It’s happening. The momentous Big Brother or Big Sister announcements. The first-time mommy friends I met after having my second child are now announcing their second pregnancies. And I feel it. The twinge. The tiny twinge of baby craving sneaking up on me. A nostalgic fantasy of the euphoria that encompasses such a magical moment. I start to second guess myself. I am
90%, 85% sure that my family is complete. Aren’t I?
But how do you know for sure? First and foremost, it’s a 100% personal discussion point with your hubby – that’s a given. And there is the obvious. It is not entirely ours to control! I know that first hand, as it took a very long time to be blessed with Big Boy B. On the other side, surprises can happen too! So with those two things considered, how do you ever know if you are done?
I kind of sense that two is the magic number for me as I panic at the thought of adding another schedule to juggle into our already hectic lives. Although a newborn baby seems appealing in my fantasy world, the reality of actually living that life again does not appeal to me right now.
My daughter puts it best. “If you have another baby, you definitely won’t have any time to give me attention.” Nail. On. Head. My wise eldest child. Selfishly, I, too, want to shout, “I will not have a spare minute for myself!” I already feel like I get the dregs of the day. What could possibly be left with yet another need to fulfill?
I know all these things, yet I can’t bring myself to say we are officially complete. I can’t bring myself to give away the newborn clothes and baby toys. Nor am I settled with the idea that I will never feel the miraculous tiny kick from the inside or spend a day nursing ’round the clock. These things have been such a massive part of my life for the past (almost) six years; they are too huge to let go of. Yet.
So in the meantime, I will not let go of the notion that there is the tiniest possibility that we may add on to our current family of four. I also know that staying just the way we are is pretty okay, too.