Discovering Spirit

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You don’t know this about me, but I’m an intuitive medium. Basically, I can connect with people who have passed away. I feel so vulnerable saying this, but it’s the truth. My whole life, I’ve just “known” things, and the past couple of years, I’ve chalked that up to being an empath. I have always been sensitive, really aware of other people’s feelings, and many times even matching their energy. 

Energy

Being within someone else’s energy field can be exhausting, especially if you aren’t aware of what’s happening. Mediumship, for me, isn’t all the bells and whistles you see on TV. It’s quiet and more subtle. I can feel an energy shift around me, but no, I don’t see dead people walking around!

Becoming a mother has put me even more in tune with the energy around me…and my children’s energy is intense.

My kids are always around, especially this past year, so I’ve really been able to reflect on how their energy affects me.

Last year when everything transitioned online, a psychic medium I know began holding her events online. Here, she would connect with people who had passed away to bring messages to loved ones here in the physical world. I’ve always been fascinated by her work, and I thought it would be a cool opportunity to maybe connect with friends or family who have passed away. What happened kick-started my journey into my own mediumship, even though I had no idea that it would at the time.

Mediumship Event

When I signed onto the event, I got this rush of anxiety. My heart was pounding. I couldn’t express it, but I knew someone was going to come through with a message for me that day. Spirit has never come through for me at a mediumship event before, but I just knew it was going to happen that day. My medium friend brought through a spirit about halfway into the event, saying this spirit had a message for me.

When she described how this person lived and how he died, I immediately knew who it was. I had “known” this person had been around me in spirit for some time, but I really didn’t understand why because we weren’t all that close. What no one else in this group knew, however, was that this medium was a mutual childhood friend, so we both knew the spirit who was coming through. I accidentally blurted out his name. She took a beat and said, now she realized that’s exactly who it was, and gave me the message.

This type of thing happened a couple of other times that evening, as well. She would bring through a spirit, not for me, but for me to give a message to someone else.

I texted her after the event and asked her if she had any idea why I continued to get messages, not for me but for me to give to others, and I will never forget what she told me:

“You might just be discovering your gift.”

My what? Did the fact that I’ve always “known” things really mean something else? Was I more than an empath? More than someone who always thought she just had really strong intuition? More than someone who would get overwhelmingly anxious at seemingly random times for no reason? She told me she would be teaching some mediumship classes in a few months and that I should sign up. I was thinking: “Uh, ok. I’m not a medium, but that might be a cool thing to do while we are in quarantine.”

A Gift?

The day came to sign up for my first ever Mediumship for Beginners workshop. I started and stopped the sign-up process several times, unsure if I could really take the leap. Then I figured, what could it hurt if I investigated this a little? Maybe I would find out I wasn’t a medium after all, just that I had really strong intuition. If I didn’t sign up, I’d always wonder what my friend told me about my “gift.” (And also, what the heck else was there to do to exercise my brain during quarantine, right?).

During this class, my friend broke us into 1-on-1 breakout rooms to practice, using a lesson she had presented. I wasn’t sure what to make of this. I’d never done this before. How was I supposed to bring a spirit through for my partner?

I did the exercise my friend gave us, and I said whatever popped into my head the moment it happened. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t wonder if I was wrong. I didn’t give it a chance to end up in my analytical mind like I do with just about everything else in my life. I just said what I “knew.”

And you know what happened? I was right. I went through the entire class that day, with all three of my partners, saying whatever popped into my head at any given moment: Names, ages, personalities, what people died from, numbers of children. I used drawing, songs, colors I “knew.” It was crazy, in a good way. What was happening?

Trust the Process

When I originally wrote this post back in March, I was halfway through my third class with my friend as my instructor. There were over thirty people in this class, most of whom have been repeat students just like me. They are my support; they are my drive to keep this up. Even on those days, I highly doubt myself and my abilities that I am learning even exist.

There have been days over these past few months that I’ve been at a crossroads – a place where I don’t know if I should keep with the status quo of my day job or if I should really go out and pursue this part of me that wasn’t even remotely in my mind six months ago.

I don’t know where this is going, and maybe I’m not supposed to. I’m enjoying the process of discovering spirit and more about myself, as well. Right now, I feel like I’m growing every day. We all have those days where we doubt ourselves, where we don’t think we are good enough, and subsequently try to measure up to everyone else and their gifts. But then I think I need to trust this process.

This is real. This is me. And I think it’s pretty cool.

So today, as I write this, I am taking that same type of leap. I know this an anonymous post, as I’m not really ready to publicly announce that this is what I can do. But I think it’s kind of like that first step in accepting myself as who I am. I’m not just a mom, wife, career person, and all of the other things I’ve always thought I had to be. I’m an intuitive medium, and discovering spirit is only just beginning.

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