When I had my first baby, I experienced what I now know was postpartum anxiety, but at the time, I just thought I had a raging case of FOMO. You know, fear of missing out. I didn’t want anyone to watch her, hold her, be with her except me. I was so afraid that something would happen, and I would miss it. And that something could be good OR bad. All I knew in my haze of anxiety was I was her mom, and I needed to be there for it all.
Now, almost nine years later, it’s less of an anxious urge and more of a wish. I want to be there to experience everything with my girls. But as a working mom, you can’t. You won’t be there for it all, but you’ll be there when it counts.
My older daughter’s very first daycare teacher gave me the greatest gift a mother could get when dropping her baby at daycare. She said, “It’s not the first time for anything until it’s with you.” It relieved me of the stress and dread of missing all of her firsts if they happened while I was at work. I knew I would never walk in that door to hear, “Guess what new thing she did today.”
Giving me the gift of experiencing it myself was the greatest gift of all, and I will always be thankful for that.
Now that my girls are older, I have a more focused view on what they need me for and what I can pass on. I’ve found that it makes it all the sweeter when I’m able to attend things. But since all busy moms, whether you work out of the home or not, can’t be everywhere at all times, here are some ways I decide when something cannot be missed.
1. Is this a one-time event?
Dance recitals? Never miss them. A dance class that happens every week? You don’t have to be the one peeking through the glass every Saturday morning.
2. Is this super important to my child?
By this, I mean, is this camp talent show something she’s been working hard on and wants me to see her hard work pay off? Or is this something she’s pulling together the morning of? If it’s not important to them, it doesn’t have to be important to you.
3. Am I invited too?
Every single birthday party they are invited to. My girls are getting older, and I’m trying to start to embrace the drop-off party. Does it always work? No. Often they want me to stay just because. And I will if I’m asked. But if I can get that time to do some other daily task, I will.
