You’re a Good Mom Because…

Being a first-time mom, let alone a first-time mother of twins, has manifested insecurities and vulnerabilities I didn’t know that I had. It has taken my confidence and my strength and whittled them down to nothing, but also surprised me with feelings of empowerment that I never knew existed.

We continually use the word “but” in every sentence when describing ourselves or our abilities as a parent. We regularly tell ourselves, “But I could do better,” or “But I can be better” yet the truth is that we really never define, or reach, what is apparently “better.” It becomes a lifelong quest for some invisible reality.

I am writing this today because it’s time to press the stop button. It’s time we start giving ourselves a break for not being perfect, for not getting it right all the time (who even knows what “right” is?), and for not meeting all the checkboxes on the “should” list. You’re a good mom and I’m here to tell you why.

You’re a good mom because you make mistakes. You show your children that they will trip up from time to time but that it’s important to get back up, brush it off and keep going. You show them the importance of never giving up, especially on yourself.

You’re a good mom because you are truly winging it. Although it may not feel that way there is power in not ever knowing if what you’re doing is the right thing because what you are teaching them is confidence to make their own decisions even when the circumstances surrounding them are questionable. You’re a constant example of standing on your own two feet, even though they may be shaking, and facing this life one day at a time.

You’re a good mom because you are sleep deprived and keep going back night after night for more. You check to see if they are breathing even after they have grown. You push yourself thru those nighttime feedings. You continually check the monitor, the temperature in the room, and if they are covered enough with their blanket. You even pick them up when they are sleeping because despite the exhaustion of every day you miss them when they are not around and need one more snuggle.

You’re a good mom because you get frustrated. This means that you care about them becoming good human beings and want to be sure they know right from wrong. You want them to know kindness, compassion, discipline and respect. You want to send them out into the world and know that wherever life takes them they will be stand-up people, with solid morals and manners, who do the right thing even when it’s hard.

You’re a good mom because your house is a mess. The one thing we can never get back is time. Your children will not remember the scattered toys or piles of laundry yet to be washed. They will not remember the dishes in the sink or the dust piles in the corner because you haven’t vacuumed in days. What they will remember is you being on the floor playing with them. They will remember the hide-and-seek and the story time, the days spent playing in the yard and movie time. They will remember the time spent with you. And you are all they need to reflect on their childhood with a smile.

You’re a good mom because you are not perfect. You’re flawed physically and mentally and this makes you perfect. Perfect to this world and perfect to them. They love you in spite of it all. They aren’t looking for the model parent. They are looking for their parent. The one with the cellulite, brain fog, and bags under her eyes. The one with the extra skin, several month-old nail polish, gray hair, and outdated clothes. The one surviving on crumbs, one hour of sleep and too much coffee. The one working her 9-5 job to only come home to her second full-time job that is parenting. You show them true heroism every day.

You’re a good mom because you handle it. This life. This day. This moment. You face each day with uncertainty and show up. You cry with them and you cry for them. You kiss their boo-boos and will forever “make it all better.” You signed up for a lifetime of worry from the day they were born and you handle it. You’re a mediator, a counselor, a chef, and a personal assistant and you handle it. You are over scheduled and over worked and you handle it. When you are sick, have a headache and you are exhausted you handle it. When you are anxious and at your breaking point you handle it. When you feel that you have nothing left you handle it. You’re a warrior and you are mom and a great one at that.

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one. – Unknown

Michele created her blog Michele Lovetri – In My Own Words to document this messy, hilarious, and beautiful journey of parenthood and life in hopes of connecting us as parents and people. She believes that it is our job to lift each other up, and refill the coffee, and hopes that others find an area of refuge in her words and experiences. She lives in Norwalk, CT and has been married to her husband, and best friend, for 6 ½ years and they have 23-month-old fraternal twin boys. She can be found on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, and looks forward to connecting with you!