What Happened to Me?
We’ve all had that moment. Knee-deep in a baby blowout, changing the sheets for the third time, asking if this will ever end. Dead-eyed, trying desperately to appear interested in yet another magical baby birth story you can’t relate to. Someone asking how your kids are when they are not okay, and you’re freaking out inside. When the perfectly dressed mom engages you in a random grocery store conversation, as you are crawling out of your skin wanting to jump in a shower and wondering if they noticed you’re wearing 3-day pants. Fretting over why your kids’ bento box doesn’t look quite as good as the lunch another mom posted.
At some point, you have asked the ultimate question: What happened to me?
It’s like a searing panic, a toxic wave of holy hellfire moment. Is this my life now? I’m her, the one who has major concerns over the locally sourced farm-to-table organic bento box?
If you’re still her right now, I’m sorry. I’m not making fun. I was also you and still feel that way sometimes. Not trying to trivialize your experience. We all are or have been there at some point.
I’m here to tell you, you’re still the same girl you were before. Just stronger, smarter, and way more skilled. And the stuff you go through (and how you handle it) can make your kids stronger.
The Shape of You, The Shape of Me
You’ve read this Dr. Seuss book. He’s talking about us when he says, “No shape is ever quite alike.” You see, you don’t have to lose any part of yourself in all of this, and you don’t have to become something you’re not. Think about the moms you know well, the ones you can be real with. The ones who know you are not about to make a locally sourced farm-to-table organic bento box. They are all different, and they’re all amazing. The very shape of your motherhood is so different from mine. It’s like finally being comfortable with the fact that you’re not meant to be a size 00. We are just not all built that way (bless you if you are!)
We are shaped as women by everything else, every other part of our history, our DNA, our childhood, our relationships, our voice, our experience… Everything that makes us who we are; all unique.
Isn’t it weird how we try to relate and compare successes and failures with our kids’ development, accomplishments, discipline, schooling… We all try so desperately to measure up to the same blueprint, yet we all have such vastly different tool kits. The house will still get built.
Use Your Gifts
You’ll find you have some amazing gifts that will help you, and the rest you just kind of figure out and mess up a lot. 20 years as a mom means I’ve messed up a lot. It’s a story for another time, but I nearly lost my health by completely neglecting myself in the pursuit of parenting “perfection.” And it turns out my story back to health seems to have inspired my kids in some way to make their health a priority. (Would you look at that?!).
