Weight a Minute


weightI’ve always struggled with my weight/body image/confidence growing up. The LAST thing I want to show my son, and especially my daughter, is that you have to wait until you’re a certain weight or in a certain career to feel, look and act beautiful.

I mean, holy hypocrite, here I am saying I don’t want my kids ever to feel like I did, but I was a walking billboard for how NOT to act. So I knew if I wasn’t changing physically, I needed to change how I carried myself and how my kids saw me respect myself.

I grew and birthed an 8.5lb and a 9.5lb baby. Why is it so hard to accept the fact that my body would change? After my first was born, I promised I was going to lose ALL the baby weight. I made a promise that I wouldn’t spend money on clothes in a bigger size because I wasn’t going to be there long and it would be a total waste of money. Okay, lie, I did buy one pair of colored jeans from Gap, so I could look semi-okay when I had to go back to work. But no tops! I will wear my maternity stuff for as long as I can tolerate it. And cardigans who doesn’t love a cardigan/cami combo. I think it’s super cute and totally hides what needs to be hidden. I will get these 15lbs off, no problem.

Fast forward to my daughter’s 1st birthday; yay, I’m pregnant again! But I really thought, “Yay, I’m pregnant with 15 extra pounds on me. OMG, what will I look like in 9 months, and what will I look like 9 months after that!”  Since my son was born and I was feeling less than stellar. I did lose most of the baby weight since most of the weight was the BABY (remember, 9.5lbs!)

I was now adjusting to having two kids while on maternity leave in the winter, suffering from severe depression. All of that, combined with the easiest, most processed, quickly put together meals, was NOT going to get me into my bin of clothes from 2009! February 2014 came, and back to work, I went commuting two hours each way, uphill, in snow, with no shoes on. Okay, the last three parts are a lie, but it was two hours each way; walking, train, subway, walking! Cue the pity party and more excuses.

Excuse 1: As soon as I can be a stay-at-home mom, the weight will fall off. I repeat. FALL OFF.

Excuse 2: Once I can leave my son at the gym for more than 20 minutes… and on and on with the excuses.  

Do you know that book The Secret? I wanted to read it just so I could think away my awful mindset and become a leather pant, bikini-wearing hot mama! But I was too lazy and depressed even to order the book.

More recently, now that I am a stay-at-home mom with my own direct sales business, I started noticing little things my daughter would say like, “Mommy’s working.” I still wasn’t thinking my makeup business was a “job,” but she clearly considered it my job! Or when she nearly begged to put in T25 and do exercise with me because it was fun for her! I have to remember that yes, exercise can be fun! And that a job doesn’t have to be in the form of a scientist, teacher, astronaut; a SAHM, and even part-time work is a job.

I am not where I want to be weight-wise, but it doesn’t even matter anymore! I feel like the “me” I have been waiting and desperately wanting to be. I just had to change my mindset to realize it was there all along! My kids will see the powerful, self-employed, beautiful mama that I want them to see!

Do you see the pattern? None of my struggles had to do with where I was in my life at that point; it was ME! And me + excuses! It doesn’t matter how long it takes; it doesn’t matter how much you want to lose or what pant size you want to fit in, whether you commute into an office or walk dogs for a living. We are powerful creatures that hold our kids’ underdeveloped mindset in our hands! (Whoa, that sounded so Oprah and powerful, but I’m serious!) If I want my kids to view me differently, I need to believe in myself.

Are there any other mamas who feel the same way? Please comment below.


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