The Void That’s Left When Your Friends Move Away


friends move awayAfter a night out with my husband and some other couples, I felt myself getting upset. A wave of disappointment washed over me, and I didn’t know where it came from. At first, I chalked it up to hormones or the bottle of wine, but my husband pressed me on why my mood had soured. It had been a pleasant night out, with good company, so why was I feeling so unfulfilled? Between the time it took me to wash my face and brush my teeth, it came into focus.

I was craving something I didn’t even realize. I was missing my friends…my girls who I’m truly myself around and who know me inside and out.

My friends with who I could have a blast with in any situation. The girls who will always dance with me offer to split the last bottle of wine and honestly talk about their lives with no pretense. Whether we’re lounging in yoga pants or hitting the town, our only goal is to laugh and have a good time! On this particular night out, I was really missing my crew and the fun they bring!

At every stage in my life, I’ve been blessed with good girlfriends…from my high school crew to my sorority sisters, and most recently, my work friends. I’ve lived apart from my school friends for a while now, so I am no stranger to long-distance friendships. While we may not see each other often, the fact that we still keep in touch after all these years is something I’m proud of.

More recently, my local girlfriends started to move away one by one. 

We met at our job and quickly formed lifelong friendships. They have seen me struggle in dating, meet my husband, and eventually complete our family with the arrival of our twins. We have been there for one another through marriages, divorces, and births. Over the last few years, life has pulled us in different directions. I’ve watched them all move away to follow their families or careers to another state. I, however, chose to put down roots in Connecticut and have become the last woman standing. To witness them each slowly move away leaves a void. I’d love nothing more than to have our kids grow up together and watch them as mothers, but the distance makes that hard. We text all the time (so many texts!), but it’s just not the same, and I miss them dearly.

As a mom, nights out are so few, and far between that, I really want to make them count with girlfriends I connect with. I’ve tried to forge new friendships, but as I’m learning, making new mom friends is HARD!

(Maybe harder than dating!?). I tend to be on the shy side, which takes a while for me to open up. Sure, I’ve met some pre-school moms who I love, but it always seems like everyone at school is on their “best behavior.” As a working mom, I’m typically in the office or with my toddlers…there’s not much in between. Every day feels like a relay race as I speed from one task to the next. When I was twenty-something and carefree, making connections was effortless. Now, I have zero free time, and my lack of local mom friends reflects that.

Something I’ve realized in all this is how important these friendships really are!

Time spent with good girlfriends is therapeutic and something I crave. This is the first time in my life that I’ve found myself without a tribe, and I feel a bit lost! Momming is hard, and we need the support…not to mention a good night out every once in a while! 

No matter what state my friends live in, I know they are only one text away. It’s hard, though, when I need someone to pick up my sick daughter from school or come over with wine after a rough day. I would love to find some local ladies who I click with and rebuild my safety net.

My mid-year resolution is to nurture new friendships. Because although it’s hard, I’m hoping my new tribe is out there!


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