Vagina Is Not a Potty Word

As mothers of girls, there are certain things we think about that are unique to raising a daughter. Personally, I am particularly thoughtful about how I talk about my body in front of my girls, if I do at all. Sure, I sometimes don’t believe that my body is strong and healthy, but fake it until you make it, right?

I often wonder what kind of an impact my words will have on their future body image and sexuality. I need to instill a love and respect for their bodies so that the harmful and degrading images of young girls they will be exposed to will not permeate their precious hearts like using truthful information and positive messages as a vaccination against the virus of over-sexualizing girls. I’m aware that this is a topic that has been written about ad nauseam, so I’m not going to saturate the internet further, lashing out at the advertisers and toy manufacturers. I do, however, think it’s an important discussion to have.

Not too long ago, I overheard a conversation between two mothers about this very topic. One mother was both amused and distraught that her four-year-old daughter wanted to know what puberty was. The consensus was that the little girl was too young to understand. This made me think about when my own children have asked me questions I was not yet ready to answer.

It occurred to me that because our children notice when something is off with us on other occasions, like when we are sad or angry, they most likely can also sense our discomfort around discussing their body and reproductive system. If a child wanted to know how her heart and the circulatory system worked, we wouldn’t think twice about giving her that information. Most likely, we would not experience the type of panic that can accompany a question like, “What is a clitoris for?” We would use the language she could understand based on her stage of development.

What if we used the same approach when teaching our daughters about how their reproductive system works? If we believed our own reproductive system was beautiful and special, would she also grow to believe that about her own?

How would it feel to teach our girls that the female body is capable of incredible things? We could teach them that as females, our bodies are made to conceive, grow, birth, and nourish a human baby. When said matter-of-factly as we would when teaching them about their hearts, a sense of normalcy is created.

My youngest is four, and because she has an older sibling, she is privy to the information she would otherwise not have. At her age, the only information that she can really understand is what her genitals are called. In fact, she loves to scream “vagina” at the top of her lungs when we are in a store. Her sister and I get a good laugh when she does this, which, as we know, provides positive reinforcement of the said negative behavior. So, because she gets a positive reaction from her mother and sister, she says it a lot.

When I pick her up from school, she will sometimes greet me with a “hi vagina,” often loudly, and if she says it at the dinner table, her older sister will say “no potty words at the table!” This is interesting to me and makes me wonder where my first grader thought that vagina was a “potty word.” True, most of us don’t walk around saying vagina as part of our daily conversations, nor do we say penis. Yet, children often group the names of their reproductive organs along with “poop” and “pee.” They do this, most likely, because they get a reaction from us. We know that the reaction, positive or negative, reinforces the behavior.

When my little one screams the name of her genitals in a store, she gets the positive reaction of laughter. Some children may get a time out or be reprimanded when they say these words, a negative reaction. As parents, we don’t all share the same values and comfort levels regarding this issue, so our children will all have different responses. Furthermore, when our children start elementary school, they may not be permitted to use these words. In my house, the message my children get from their peers overrides my message. I speak about all of the parts of their body matter-of-factly with them, using neither positive nor negative tones. This doesn’t seem to matter because the words for both male and female genitals carry with them a powerful urge to burst into laughter. In fact, some of us parents still can’t use these words without being transported back to seventh grade health class! We can still recall doubling over with laughter at the mere mention of the words vagina or penis.

Times have changed though, mamas. We are more informed now. Teaching our children about their bodies does not have to be tip-toed around and feared! What do you think?