My Twins Are Almost Four and Still Not Potty Trained

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potty training twinsSo, I’ll get right to the point. My twins will be 4 in a couple of months, and they still aren’t fully potty trained.

After pulling off their sixth pair of wet leggings this evening and subsequently snapping at Twin B that I was sick of the accidents, I realized how stressful this whole “potty training twins” thing really is…for them AND me.

About a week before their third birthday, even though I knew they weren’t at all ready, I took advantage of the pandemic quarantine and worked up the nerve to tackle this whole twin potty training thing.

I successfully potty trained my son in 3 days when he was younger than they were, so I thought, “Sure, potty training my twins who are totally not ready will be no big deal.” Not.

It’s literally part of my job to help parents potty train their children. I just had a session last night where the last 20 minutes were completely devoted to troubleshooting and providing resources to a parent who was frustrated with potty training.

As I was giving her really sound advice, I realized how much of a fraud I felt, knowing my own kids and I couldn’t get it together after 10 long, wet months.

So since it’s the method I recommend to parents most often and it’s usually successful with those super headstrong kids, I decided to go with a variation of a three-day potty training method when I started training my twins. I rolled up all of our rugs and got to work: Lots to drink, naked on the bottom, about a thousand reminders throughout the day of, “Tell me when you need to go.”

I tried sticker rewards…they didn’t care. I tried chocolate chips…they wouldn’t try them (Are these children even related to me?). They never leave me alone, so they had plenty of exposure to what the bathroom is for. They started pooping on the potty on their own, but they just couldn’t seem to understand that they also have to pee in there.

I got fed up after several months of multiple accidents a day and started taking them to the bathroom throughout the day as part of our routine.

If they said they wanted to go outside, we went to the bathroom first. Time for dinner? Go pee first. Bath? Pee first. I usually hate this method because it doesn’t allow them to feel when they need to go; it’s all externally regulated by me. But I was desperate…it’s so much darn laundry. Spoiler alert, this didn’t help either. They got frustrated because they didn’t always need to go when I took them, and then they started outright refusing, which turned into tantrums. We already had enough of those.

As I break up the 400th fight they’ve had in a day, I realize I don’t have the mental power to give each of them the individual attention that they probably need for this to stick. After 10 months of multiple daily accidents (times two), I’m at my wits end. I am honestly completely out of ideas. Why don’t they consistently feel the urge to go?

I mean, I should give them some credit because they will occasionally be dry for most of the day and let me know when they need to go, but those are rare days. We haven’t had a single day in the last 10 months where I didn’t have to change at least one of them (and it’s usually both of them).

I feel like I’m constantly bombarded by all of these parents whose kids who potty trained like it was just another regular day, and it’s hard not to think something’s wrong.

I know I shouldn’t compare, and I know they are little and will get it eventually. Until then, I guess I’ll just be doing a lot of laundry. Thank goodness we just got a ton of hand me down leggings from my niece!

Is anyone else in the same boat? At what age did your later potty-trainers finally “get it?”

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charity
Charity is a newly-single mom of three with a son born in 2012 and identical twin daughters born in 2017. She lives in Monroe and has been writing for Fairfield County Mom since 2019. Charity is a full-time speech-language pathologist, working with patients all across the lifespan. She is also an intuitive medium. In her life before children, Charity was a professional stage manager, working in theatres throughout Fairfield County. Charity is passionate about her family, career, ballet (which she began at 39 years old!), musical theatre, and her amazingly-supportive friends as she begins a new chapter in her life. She firmly believes that you are never too old to stay stuck in a situation that is causing you pain. You can follow her on Instagram at @charityferris.

2 COMMENTS

  1. I am in the same boat. I have twin daughters who are 4 years old as of 3 months ago. We’ve tried training them at 3 yrs old & it went nowhere. We decided that even though they were showing all the signs of being ready, they just weren’t. We’d like to send them to summer programs starting in a month but they need to be potty trained. So for about the last 4 months we’ve been trying every method we’ve been able to find info on. Twin B can basically do the pee pee alone when her body tells her, but is still pooping in her pants and when gently asked or encouraged (or even bribed) to make poop in the potty next time, she strongly refuses. Twin A .. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s something wrong. She will take herself to the potty (we leave it set up for them with door open & light on all day) and bless her, she will try and try, then finally get up and about 5 min after pee in her pants. That’s been happening for at least the past 6 weeks. Or she’ll hold it until it seems as if she’s in pain at which point we have to physically take her bc she’ll often refuse to take herself. She absolutely refuses to entertain the idea of pooping in the potty.
    So, that’s our situation. The short of my response to your post was to ask you, what finally worked?

  2. Hi! Ugh, I’m so sorry, that sounds very frustrating for all of you! My girls have now just turned 6 years old (as of a couple of weeks ago) and they are now just getting consistent. I think for some kids, it just takes longer. One thing that really helped us was just to take the pressure off of it at home (they were usually fine in school). Staying super consistent but not getting mad when they didn’t do it really helped me emotionally (and I think them in turn). I also think giving them choices can help. For example, at bedtime, I say “Do you want to go potty first or brush your teeth first?” It’s a forced choice, so they have to pick one, but it gives them some control over what they do. Potty training is really all about control once they are this age. They have so little they can control in their little world that this is one thing they can and will push back and be stubborn if they need to. I found other ways to say “yes” or give them latitude on other things during the day that made me nuts (i.e. letting them play in mud puddles, haha!). Giving them more control in other areas of their life also seemed to help. They continue to have accidents at times, but it’s not nearly as much. I hope something I said was a little helpful to you. Good luck with everything. Being a twin mom is not for the faint of heart! 🙂

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