It Took a Pandemic



I was so busy before COVID. I had a job. I had errands. I had therapy. I had families who needed me. I had schools and daycares that needed me. I had students that needed me. Parents and grandparents that needed me. I had scheduled Grandma visits to lend a hand with my own kids. I had breaks. I volunteered. I worked out with a community. I had some quiet time before the bus stop.

Then everything suddenly stopped.

I never wanted to solely be a stay-at-home mom. Ever. If you know me at all, you’d know how active I am and how it’s tough for me to sit still. I’m ADHD. I’m adopted. I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and an overly-sensitive heart my entire life. The real world was already a struggle for me. And then, COVID.

I totally get the reasoning behind quarantine – it kept my family safe. Flattened the curve. Stopped the ripples. But regardless, in the beginning, it seemed impossible for me. When life abruptly stopped, I was upset, angry, sad, and in denial. I screamed and reacted.

I have felt more feelings in these last few months than I have let myself feel in a long time.

As my husband and I buckled down for a week, then two, then three, then six, life at times seemed impossible and very much unlike any “real” life we’ve ever known. So, to stay sane, I began practicing even more meditation than I had ever done in my life. I was sleeping in and getting only minutes to myself. I knew I had to change that. Losing all of the “me” time may sound selfish, but you need it. I need it.

So I started getting up early again, walking our lawn, tending to the garden, even reading in the morning. I decided I wanted to get out of the quarantine better off than before. I continue to control what I can…my workouts, my tone, my attitude, my moves, my steps, my breathing, my strength, my modeling, my adulting, my understanding of myself, my therapy…to build a better me. I chose happiness. I chose people who want to treat me with the respect that I deserve and now demand for myself.

Since I can’t work as much as I’d like to, I can focus on myself. What am I doing here on earth? What’s my purpose? Is this all worth it? I only have time for love. I can’t concentrate on the negative, or it will take over and win. So I choose to stay positive and focus on what makes me genuine, what makes me stronger, what makes me feel loved. 

I’ve decided to put myself and my family first. Not just now, but always. 

I have priorities. I have choices. I have looked back on my busy life and taken in what I couldn’t see. I want to change. It took me many weeks to fully appreciate the power of staying home, but I definitely do now.

How are you moving out of the pandemic and into the real world? 


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