I was very blessed to get pregnant with all four of my pregnancies very easily. In fact, one time I wasn’t even trying (and probably not being as careful as I could have been either). Even though getting pregnant was simple, I did have a miscarriage. I was pregnant four times and have three beautiful children.
October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Statistically, many women will experience a miscarriage. Often times, a pregnancy will end in miscarriage even before a woman misses a menstrual period or even knows she is pregnant. No matter how far along you are, a loss of a baby can be unbearable.
My heart goes out to women (and men, we can’t forget the dads) who have suffered a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, a still birth, or the loss of an infant. It is never easy, but I want to share the best advice I received when grieving the loss of my sweet baby.
When my midwife came into the room for my follow-up appointment after my DNC, she hugged me hard. She looked at me and said, “You need to do something to honor this baby. Do something to help heal your heart. Whether you buy a piece of jewelry, plant a flower or tree, or take a trip. Do something that you can look at or back to and remember this baby and smile.”
After my miscarriage, my husband was my rock, my sister was a huge emotional support, and my mom reminded me of my strong faith. I also had a few close friends that I shared this news with who showed me great empathy and love. However, that one piece of advice from my midwife is what kept me strong and confident that I was going to be ok.
I thought long and hard about what she said, and decided to buy a charm for my necklace. I added a pearl (my favorite) teardrop (to represent the tears I cried over this loss) to my chain that also had a cross on it. This was my way of holding this pregnancy close to my heart while trusting in my faith.
My miscarriage was devastating. It caught me off-guard because my husband and I were at a place where we wanted to grow our family and give our daughter a sibling. However, over time I became stronger. The loss of that baby created the path to my other two amazing daughters that I may not have had. It was part of my pregnancy journey.
The teardrop pearl now hangs from my necklace with three initials – T, H, and W. Those are my three beautiful girls and I am so proud of them, but I will always remember the baby that just wasn’t meant to be.