All mommies take on many different roles throughout each day – nurse, short-order cook, chauffeur, maid…the list goes on and on. Most recently, I have acquired a new role as the referee, especially during playdates.
Since my two-year-old son does not go to daycare, I feel that it is important for him to socialize with kids his age. He goes to a gym class and the library for a little bit of structured play. I also try to schedule as many play dates as possible. He does have tons of friends for such a little guy, but he won’t be keeping them for long until he learns to share.
I know it is difficult for most toddlers to understand this concept, but I need help! I am not enjoying this new role as the referee. During play dates, I’m starting to feel tense and feel the need to constantly watch him like a hawk. If I turn my back for a second, he’s grabbing toys out of his friends’ hands or attempting to push when he doesn’t get his way. I try to explain to him that everyone needs to share their toys, and the response I get every time is, “NO! That’s mine.”
As an elementary school teacher, I know that children learn best when the skill or behavior is explicitly modeled. I’ve tried over and over again, but I’m getting the same result. I understand that part of this is developmental, but when will it get better?
I’ve attempted to avoid the word “share” and have started using the term “taking turns.” We take turns doing everything – brushing teeth, reading books, etc. Some days he cooperates, and other days there are lots of tears and the occasional “You’re a mean mommy” comment. I have also tried to show him that when someone has a toy or something he wants, he needs to ask before snatching it away. It works half the time, but now he thinks that when he says “please,” he can get what he wants (especially when combined with a sweet smile).
I have noticed that he better behaves at play dates when we go to a friend’s house. He is more willing to hand back a toy that he had ripped away from his friend or, when prompted, ask for what he wants to play with. I still feel the need to keep my eyes on him and anticipate any playdate fouls that need to be called.
