It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Time to gather together with family, break bread, open presents, and snuggle in front of the fire.
When my husband and I first started dating, and the holidays rolled around, we exchanged gifts, kissed each other, and then went on our merry ways to visit our respective families. Then things got complicated. An engagement, marriage, kids, and a house in a state in which neither of our families lived.
Enter the great debate: Where are we going for the holidays?
For us, we did what seemed least confusing. Let’s swap! Each family gets one of the two big holidays. For example, we will spend Thanksgiving with my family, Christmas with his, and then we have a second Christmas with my family over New Year’s Eve. The next year, we swap and do it all in reverse.
For now, this is working for us. Though I am sure as the years go on, our approach may need to adapt.
The realities of a never-ending compromise that occur in a marriage rarely, if at all, crossed my mind during the few years my husband and I were dating. But, as we all know, marriage is more than kisses, hugs, and cute little kids – it’s work, and part of that work is compromising even when it’s difficult to do so.
Spending that first holiday away from my family was difficult. Hard on me, of course, but more so for my parents who had to spend their first holiday away from their only child. Hard on my husband too, who is one of three children and is the only one to have moved away, which means his parents see his siblings (but not him) every holiday.
But each year has become easier, and we have learned to embrace the positives over the negatives. Our children are lucky to have all four of their grandparents alive and well, which is something neither my husband nor I were fortunate to experience. We celebrate different traditions in each family, like opening gifts early on Christmas Eve with my family and participating in Secret Santa with cousins in my husband’s family. And, more importantly, I am lucky to have gained an entirely new family through my husband, and being at their home for a holiday is like visiting my second home.
Family is complicated. This is a universal truth.
Some of us are lucky to have wonderful relationships with our in-laws. Others not so much. And with complicated family relationships come complicated holiday logistics. In discussing this year’s holiday plans with my husband, I wondered how other people might approach this complicated subject. So I reached out to the other Fairfield County Moms Blog contributors and asked them – how do you do it? And, not surprisingly, they all do it differently.
Some families do not travel at all over the holidays, for a myriad of reasons. Kids want to be on their home turf on Christmas morning. In-laws live too far away, and between work and kids, it’s just not possible to make such a big trip. Staying home is also something some might emotionally need for valid reasons. Some families celebrate different holidays, so generally no hard decisions need to be made when respective holidays fall at different times of the month. Some families have a smaller contingent on one side who is willing to tag along to the other side’s celebration (the more, the merrier!). And some families host at least part of a holiday themselves so that everyone can get together in one place.
The list goes on.
In marriage and parenting, there are countless ways to approach every situation, without being right or wrong. During the holiday season, we’re all trying to do what is best for our families. We aren’t trying to offend anyone or leave anyone out. If we could be in ten places at once, we would be. And so, this year and every year, do what feels best for you and enjoy your holidays.
