Every September 1st, since 2015, I know Facebook will share a certain memory. It is the last picture of my son and me together. My son was born with a congenital heart defect. At age three, he passed away. It’s a good picture and a good memory, but it’s also heartbreaking and cathartic at the same time.
I know I could shield myself from the waves of sadness that these memories can bring, but I’d rather not. They are another way to keep me connected to him after his passing. It also lets me share him with those who never got to meet him in person.
A few months back, I found a video of him in an email and shared it. A friend who never met him sent a text to say watching it was like finally meeting him. It was such a fun surprise that I had found the video and such a heartwarming response. Now, I know that sometime next year, I will get to view it again and see him.
I can see how so many would want to shut off the memories from a tragedy or breakup; they can be so painful. I’m so glad Facebook has this feature for so many who may struggle with certain memories. However, I don’t regret even the hard ones, like the hospital pictures that bring me back.
Though he may not be physically here now, he has brought me on an amazing journey through parenthood, which has challenged me and shown me how resilient I am. My parenting of him has also not ended just because he is not here, and these memories are what I have to share. I don’t get any more.
