Don’t you love how strangers think they are experts on the adequacy of our parenting? Whether it is through unwarranted advice, blatant whispering, or even a positive remark, they want to let you know how you are doing as a parent. This has been a common occurrence in every place we have lived, even overseas.
For example, a few years ago, we lived in Newcastle, England. It was such a special time for our family. We lived in a flat, ate fish and chips, and backpacked Europe, all with our two children along for the ride. At the time our son (Luke) was two years old and our daughter (Harper) was 4 months old. One Saturday we left our home in Newcastle and hopped on a train to Durham to see its beautiful cathedral.
We strolled through the quaint town and visited the stunning cathedral. After our tour, Luke decided it was time to throw a crazy tantrum (we later found out it was because he wanted to go back inside, but at the time we were clueless). He erupted into incoherent sobs and flailing arms. Upon hearing this outrage, Harper decided she too needed to join in. We were in total meltdown mode and everyone within a mile radius was starring at our exciting little family. This, of course, was a scene we had grown accustomed to participating in. Like always, we removed ourselves from the crowds, let the kids burn off their steam, and then returned once they were ready to be civil. This insident came and went without much thought on our part and we went on with our day. We stopped for lunch at a local pub, window shopped through the cobblestone streets, and ended our day at a cafe on the river that served specialty hot chocolate.
While enjoying our hot chocolate two older women came and sat down next to us. They quickly began engaging in conversation with our family, dotting over the children’s “cute American accents.” After a few minutes of interaction, one of them pulled my husband aside. She expressed how grateful she was to see parents who had taught their kids to be so well behaved and praised us for their calm and respectful manners. She then shared her concern for another family, explaining that a few hours ago she was at the cathedral and across the large lawn she saw a child throwing a big tantrum for no apparent reason. She was baffled at the behavior of the child and his parents. My husband and I immediately smiled at each other knowing the scene she was describing was our very own mid-day meltdown. My husband then openly confessed that that loud, crying child was in fact the same well-mannered little boy she was sitting next to now. The woman was noticeably embarrassed at making such a flippant statement. We eased the tension by laughing it off and continued to laugh about it the whole ride home.
Lesson learned: Take people’s praise or judgements with a grain of salt. Just because someone witnesses a moment of your life, they do not have the ability to accurately judge you as a parent. We all have our shining moments and embarrassment mishaps. The combination of the two is what paints the landscape of parenthood.
How do you handle situations where strangers try to advise you on your parenting?
