In my mind I had an idea of what being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) would be like and I was jealous of every mother that got to do it. I went back to work after having both of my children. My second child was about 6 months old when I quit my job and decided to stay home full time. I was really excited to not have the stress of a job I grew to hate, and this was my time to dig out of the dark hole I had found myself in.
It’s been about a year and a half and I am still struggling. I constantly find myself trying to validate my worth; as a mother, as a wife, as a friend. Does my husband think I’m lazy if the kitchen is a mess when he gets home? What about my friends, do they think I’m worthless because I “don’t do anything” outside of the home or can’t attend every social gathering? Is my online business that cliché that no one takes it seriously? And money, can I use money I earn from my business for ME or should it go back into the house/savings/to my kids? And (most importantly) is this loneliness normal?
I went to one of my favorite moms groups (you can follow their blog here The Lil Mamas!) and asked the experts, “What is your biggest challenge and most rewarding challenge staying home?” The majority of moms agree that loneliness, the feeling of motherhood as a never ending job, and getting over the guilt of having “me time” are big struggles.
My biggest struggle (if that’s the right word) is that there is no start and end to my day. I wake when the first child wakes, I sleep when the last one falls asleep. And it’s a constant GO in between. When I was working I had my commute to prep my mind for the day, I went the bathroom to take a break, I really enjoyed when I was still pumping and got to chill out for a bit, and at the end of the day the computer was turned off and I went home. Now, I am embarrassed when I don’t know current events and sometimes all I want to do is lay in my bed and watch Bravo at 9pm, and not pass out. I find it mentally exhausting and I think its time for a major routine makeover! It’s so easy to just wake up and wing it. With my oldest in school 4 days a week I should be able to come up with some semi formal routine for myself and my little man. Right?
As far as the most rewarding things, there really doesn’t seems to be a difference between a working mama and a stay-at-home mama. We are all just happy to watch our kids grow, progress and be healthy!
Do any of you mamas relate? Comment below!
I can so relate to this. There are mornings I still find myself in pjs at 9:30 and I feel so guilty and embarrassed for myself.
If I don’t have an activity planned and don’t want to shop aimlessly and spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need then we end up with the TV on and I feel guilty for that too.
I don’t get much me time but thankfully my husband is very hands on and if I want to join friends for dinner or just take a break on the couch for s few hours he is happy to take over. But yeah I get how the days feel so unstuctured and as a result feel unproductive.
Whether we are working or at home (still working) we are doing the best we can!!
Btw I got married at the maritime center too 🙂 xo
Lindsay – The guilt is the worst!! How cool that you were married that the Aquarium too! I want to see pic 🙂
Hi Melissa! I think all stay-at-home moms can relate…we are all in the same boat! Thank you for your honest words ?
I’d like to invite you to MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) at Hope Church (240 Wolfpit Rd, Wilton.) Our next meeting is Tuesday, 10/24 from 9:30am-11:30am.
This is my 5th year in MOPS and 1st year as coordinator. I honestly don’t know what I would do without it! MOPS has given more purpose and meaning to my life as a stay-at-home mom. It has provided me with opportunities to have grown up conversations with other moms while my kids are being well taken care of by our MOPS KIDS workers.
MOPS of Wilton has some of the most wonderful women. We are a non-judgemental, welcoming group where everyone understands each other.
Our meetings consist of breakfast/coffee, speakers, videos, group discussion time, and crafts. I hope you can join us!