I was fortunate to be raised in a house where family came first. My family of four sat down for dinner each night at the table and shared about our days. My parents brought me along to every one of my brother’s t-ball games, boy scout meetings, voice lessons, and theater performances. And vice versa, my brother attended every recital, dance competition, show, and event I was a part of. We cheered each other on and were each other’s biggest fans from day one.
So how do we get our children to have the same type of relationship with their siblings? First and foremost, as parents, we need to cultivate that relationship. A strong, healthy, and positive bond doesn’t just happen. It’s bred through supporting one another, talking through disagreements, and sharing responsibilities.
I’ve witnessed so many families fall apart due to sibling rivalry. This is not a concept I understand. My brother is a part of me. His success is as important to me as it is to my parents. He was my first role model and friend. He showed me the ropes and let me fall. When I did, he picked me up and kept dragging me along.
Raising my children with that same intention has always been at the forefront of my mind. Sometimes my children choose each other over my husband and I, which is exactly what I want and hope for. After all, when my husband and I are gone, they’ll only have each other.
My children’s relationship is not perfect. They fight and argue just like every other set of siblings. But when I am watching from afar, and they don’t know I am there, I witness them having each other’s backs, helping, and cheering each other on. At their last soccer game, I heard my older daughter yell, “Go, Kinley, go!” as she tried to get after that same ball. That was one of my proudest parent moments: no jealousy, no competition, just support.
Building this solid relationship is work! It takes years of patience, conversations, and working through problems. We do most of our lessons on car rides. We talk about sharing, understanding each other’s feelings, and never saying anything hurtful or mean. When they realize they are putting in the work, they will often ask us if we noticed. They’ll say, “Did you notice how we were taking turns? Are you proud that we cheered each other on? Do you like it when we get along?” Sometimes our kids just want approval. Approval that they are making the right choices and doing the right thing.
We have a long way to go, but I am proud of the sisterhood we are cultivating, and I look forward to the friendship we will watch unfold throughout our lives. And as stated earlier, every day is not sunshine and rainbows. They have their moments and make plenty of mistakes.