I like to think I am a woman of my word. Of course, I can talk the talk and walk the walk, and I stand by my ideals. Then I had children and now every single day (sometimes every hour) my beloved minions make me fall into the traps of PARENTING HYPOCRISY!
What I think: Please keep your hands to yourself. Stop touching your sister! Yes, that includes your feet. I will staple your hands to your head if you don’t stop touching her!
What I do: Oh my gosh, the lighting is perfect, you guys look adorable. Please scooch closer and give your sister a big hug. Say cheese!
What I think: Please walk…please walk…STOP running in the house!
What I do: You better put a little pep in your step and RUN into this car because we are late. No, I need you to actually RUN. Get in the car. Get in the car. Get in the CAR!
What I think: We only color on paper and we never color on the walls.
What I do: You can totally color on this small piece of wall I painted with special chalkboard paint. But only this small section. I am more than confident that your 18-month mind will grasp those very specific boundaries.
What I think: Please use inside voices. Contrary to popular belief I do not move faster when your voice reaches DefCom 10.
What I do: Grandma is really hard of hearing so you need to talk VERY loudly when we go to her house.
What I think: Sharing is caring!
What I do: Unless we are talking about MY phone, camera, bed, or dessert. Those are MINE and I am not sharing.
What I think: Oral hygiene is extremely important and we always brush our teeth before bed.
What I do: Dad is working late, and the Bachelor starts in 5. Can you hop into bed and skip the whole 20-minute toothpaste smearing ordeal?
What I think: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
What I do: Donut Delight drive-thru eaten in the car on the way to school totally counts!
What I think: We are leaving in two minutes. This is your warning.
What I do: Oh wait, I totally forgot to send that email, start the laundry, and load the dishwasher. I can do that all in two minutes.
What I think: Our family rule is that we always try one bite of a new food.
What I do: SPIT it out! Dog food does not count as a new food, neither does the green gum you found on the playground park bench.
What I think: It is our general belief that we should always use a proper toilet and refrain from urinating on our lawn, in the pool, or on the playground mulch.
What I do: Peeing in the ocean when the bathroom is a sandy mile away is totally cool with the fishes. And when nature calls while mom is running and you are in the stroller, peeing on a tree is also fine. It is called a drip dry.