I Never Knew I Needed You


second baby

To my second daughter,

I never knew I needed you. Funny how the things we need most in life are apt to be things we don’t even realize we need.

You see, your sister was well thought out, dreamed about, meticulously planned. From the nursery, name, clothes, toys, baby gear, no ‘i’ was left undotted and no ‘t’ was left uncrossed. We tried for her, prayed over her, and spent a lifetime thinking about who she’d be. She didn’t disappoint. She is everything we hoped for and more.

And when she was three months old, you showed up. Unexpected, unplanned, and without thought or wonder. The thing is, we planned to give your sister a sibling, if we were so lucky. We just did not expect you to arrive when our newborn was, well, still a newborn.

How would this type A, over-thinker, over-planner mom manage two babies, thirteen months apart? I won’t lie. I worried. I worried about how we could handle the stress of two babies with entirely different needs. I worried about how I could love another baby as much as I loved your sister. I worried that since your sister was a great baby, I was doomed to have a terrible one next time.

And with a blink of an eye, you arrived and turned all my fears, anxieties, and stresses upside down and literally changed me as a mom, wife, and person.

Before you, my days were spent counting the hours (down to the minutes) of how long your sister slept. I planned and made nutritious meals for her. I packed and repacked the diaper bag six times to make sure I had enough extra clothes and bottles for our trip to the store.

And when you came, all my type A, overbearing, anxiety ridden, OCD tendencies went out the window.

You are literally the most perfect baby I have ever met. I am convinced you came into my life fast and unexpected to teach me that life is too precious and short to over-think, over-plan, and stress. With two babies, I simply didn’t have the time to worry and the truth was I was never going to get anywhere on time ever again, so why waste the time? Nap schedule? What’s that? Nutritious meals? You girls ate whatever I could make in the two minutes I had that someone didn’t need to be changed or fed.

You taught me the greatest lesson and that was to let it go. If you arrived a few years after your sister, I am convinced I would have continued to be as high strung and wound up as I was as a new mom. But arriving a short 13 months after your sister made it completely necessary for me to throw my ideals out the window and ride the incredible wave.

But you didn’t just teach me that the logistics of having two babies is insane, making it necessary to be carefree. Your personality is quite possibly the easiest going, happy-go-lucky personalities I’ve ever known. You are a true breath of fresh air in a chaotic and crazy world.

I have learned to smile and laugh a lot more because of you. Your cool, even keel temperament is exactly what I needed from my second baby. I am in awe of just how hilarious a one year old can actually be and how much you light up the room when you walk in.

Your sister needed your friendship, your hugs, your admiration. Your Daddy needed your temperament, easy going nature, and sense of humor. And I needed all of you. Every little bit of you.

One day a surprise might hit you like a freight train. You may be confused, worried, even terrified. Just know that that train may not be intended to knock you down. It may just bring you to the exact place you always needed to be. I never knew I needed you, but now I know I could never live without you.


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