Let’s get this out in the open – motherhood is outside my comfort zone.
Although I always pictured myself becoming a mother and I wanted kids, I have to admit that kids always made me anxious. I had no experience with children whatsoever before giving birth to my oldest daughter; I don’t have any siblings, and I babysat only a handful of times when I was growing up. My babysitting career ended after a baby spit up on me {I know the current and former versions of myself are continually laughing at each other}.
But, alas, I am a mother to two beautiful girls, whom I love with all of my heart. Yet, I am pushed outside my comfort zone most days.
When my older daughter was born, my entire world turned upside down, and I felt completely clueless, especially not having any friends with kids. If I had to guess, motherhood is outside of many moms’ comfort zones, too, but we never want to admit it and seem less of a mother because of it. If you feel like you were born to be a mother and comfortable with every aspect of it, more power to you – please tell me your secrets!
But if you don’t, go ahead – it’s okay to admit that we have room to grow and learn.
Here’s why motherhood is outside my comfort zone:
1. I have a Type A personality, and kids cannot be controlled {no matter how hard we try to control them}. Anxiety ensues. Enough said.
2. I am an introvert at heart. I am an only child, and before kids, I could be alone whenever I wanted to. I am almost NEVER alone now. The constant chatter and being touched can be exhausting and not something I was used to as an only child.
3. I not only have no prior experience with children, but being an only child, I also have no prior experience with siblings. I’m totally winging raising sisters and continually pushed outside of my comfort zone to do it. I have no idea what I’m doing, but no parent really knows what they are doing anyway. However, I have decided that there aren’t many things better in life than sisters. I enjoy it so much that I am a little bit jealous that I never got to experience the bond of sisters by blood myself {but I’m lucky to have close friends that I consider sisters}. I’m sure I’m doing something wrong that they will have to talk to their therapist about in a few decades, but who doesn’t have a therapist these days?
4. Kids are messy. They are, catch their vomit in your hands on a Metro-North train, messy. Remember my fear of vomit? Yes, the messiness pushes me way outside of my comfort zone.
5. You have to form a village to thrive at motherhood. When you don’t have family nearby to help, and your spouse works off-hours, the only way to form a village is to put yourself out there. You have to make yourself vulnerable and get yourself out there to meet other moms. This is no easy task for an introvert who doesn’t naturally enjoy awkward social situations where you don’t know anyone. By pushing myself, I have built an amazing village in my community that I am so grateful for, but it sure did not come easy.
6. Before I had kids, I was naive {almost everyone is} and I didn’t think there would ever be a reason to yell at kids. I couldn’t stand when moms yelled at their kids. I cringe when I think about how I thought this. Yelling and disciplining makes me anxious and is definitely not in my comfort zone, but it is oftentimes unavoidable {and hard to avoid, those darn sour patch kids}.
I am not the mother that I hoped I would be, but I’m working on it every day.
Motherhood is beautiful, and I want to enjoy it, but it is so hard sometimes. There are many days that I feel defeated, but there are also lots of days that I feel victorious at this life that I’ve built. I hope that at the end of most days, even if I’m not the mother that I want to be, I am exactly the mother that my kids need at that moment.
Motherhood pushes me outside of my comfort zone every day so that I can grow to become the best mother and woman that I can be.
I’m reminded of The Rolling Stones song, You Can’t Always Get What You Want – you can’t always get what you want {to be in your comfort zone}, but if you try, sometimes you find, you get what you need {to grow and learn}.
Shout to a fellow only-child introvert who very often looks around and says, how did all these people get in my room? Motherhood continually pushes all of us out of our comfort zone.