To the Mom Who Feels Like She is Sucking at This Whole Parenting Thing

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I know at this moment, it feels like you are sucking at this whole parenting thing. I know you expect more of yourself. You hold yourself to a higher standard. You always have. It’s who you are.

You can see the good in other moms. You acknowledge their strengths and have compassion for them when they are down. Please, don’t lose that. Moms need moms like you. But what about you? Can’t you have compassion for yourself too?

I know at this moment you feel overwhelmed. The baby is crying. The dinner has to be made. The unwashed dishes are flowing out of the sink. The laundry is piled in stacks. The mess reflects how you feel inside. You can’t relax. And you can’t keep up.

Photo Credit: Anna-Liisa Nixon Photography

I know you are tired. Tired of yelling. Tired of breaking up fights. Tired of talking to no one who listens. At times you want to scream or cry or crawl into a ball.

And I know it makes you hate yourself when the worst parts of you come out. It feels like the anger erupts inside, and it has nowhere to go but out. I know how this crushes your soul and breaks your spirit because you want to be better. Because your kids deserve better.

And I see you struggle with parenting a spirited child. Your tough cookie that gives you grey hairs. You try so hard to acknowledge their strengths. It’s a lot of work, but there is no other option because you know in his core he is a good kid. But then you get that teacher email. The one that says he had a rough day and all your work feels completely undone. I know you take his behavior personally. I know it makes you feel like a failure.

I see how you beat yourself up when you walk into your child’s class and realize you completely missed the memo about pajama day. I know your heart sinks when your child looks up with disappointed eyes and says, “Mommy, I want to wear pajamas too.”

I know that everything right now makes you feel small. I know at this moment it feels like you aren’t enough. But remember, when you are having that rough day, or two, or three, remind yourself that some days are just hard. Remind yourself that this parenting thing is nearly impossible. You are attempting the impossible.

This job can suck the life out of you. It can make you feel crazy and vulnerable, and insecure. But I also know that this whole parenting thing gives you so much in return.

Photo Credit: Anna-Liisa Nixon Photography

Those beautiful kids, they are yours. And those kids, they need their mama. They want you imperfect and all.

So, to the mom who feels like she is sucking at this whole parenting thing, let me tell you that you are a great mom simply by the fact that you care so damn much. You are trying your best. You are giving it your all, even when it doesn’t feel like enough.

On those days it feels like you are failing, remind yourself that you are enough. You are enough. You are so enough. It is unbelievable how enough you are. 

With Love,

A Fellow Mom

(who often feels like she is sucking at this whole parenting thing)

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Alisa is a psychotherapist, life coach and mom of three. Alisa is a native of Fairfield County and lives with her husband (a New York transplant), daughter (October 2012) and two sons (January 2015, June 2018). Following the birth of her second child, Alisa left her full-time job and pursued her dream of starting her own private practice by founding Balanced Being Counseling, LLC and Balanced Being Coaching, LLC (abalancedbeing.com) located in downtown Fairfield. Alisa specializes in working with young women and moms to decrease stress and manage feelings of anxiety and depression. She is trained in treating perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and is an active committee member of Postpartum Support International- CT Chapter serving as the Communications Chair. Alisa is the creator the Facebook Group, Balanced Mama, a non-judgmental space for moms to feel inspired, gain support and come together among the chaos. She is passionate about motherhood, supporting women, buffalo chicken and a good margarita.

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