Recently I took a weekend away from my family to spend time with two of my sorority sisters. As I traveled into the city on the train alone, I realized it was the first time in a long time that I felt free. Free from work responsibilities, children, my husband; pretty much everything that I love about my life, but the stuff that has been weighing me down.
In fact, I lost my way, my joie de vie, my sparkle. To be honest, the past three years have been really hard for me. My family has suffered some hard blows: my father-in-law nearly died, my husband has been dealing with anxiety, my mom’s depression has worsened, my boys have become more clingy to me, and we’ve been to the urgent care/ER so often the people who work there now know us.
I have taken each hit in stride and powered through. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been without a cost. I have been surviving, not living. I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I know I need to.
My cholesterol and weight aren’t where I want them to be. As a former gym-rat, I barely workout twice a week these days. I’ve also fallen off the radar with most of my friends. Texting/calling/emailing friends has become a chore.
That hour-long train ride into the city was a wake up call for me. Rather than continuing to simply go through the motions, I’ve been trying to be better about working out and giving myself grace. I have also been working on reconnecting with my friends. If you haven’t heard from me in a while, know I’m trying my best. Please know it’s not that I don’t want to be your friend; instead, I need to remember how to be my own best friend. As a mom, it’s especially hard to remember to take care of myself, but as they say on airplanes, you need to put your mask on first in order to care take of others.
Nicely written. Keep up your new positive attitude.
Carol