My name is Stefanie and I’m a mom living in Fairfield County. I have two kids, Kayli who just turned 7 and Jackson who will be 2 in July. I’ve been married for almost 10 years and my husband and I moved to CT in 2012. I like to label myself as the single (but married) stay-at-home mom.
If you’re thinking why I use the word “label,” it is because I realize that we as moms like to give ourselves labels. You have heard them all – the working mom, the stay-at-home mom, the single mom, the soccer mom, the hockey mom, etc. These labels help others get a quick snippet of what our daily lives are like.
I’m lucky enough that my husband has a successful career, which allows me to stay home with my kids. However, luck can come with a price. The price I (and my children) pay is that my husband is rarely home with us during the week.
My days consist of getting my daughter off to school in the morning, running errands with my son, cooking two sometimes three different dinners (I’m embarrassed to say I’m a short order cook) and then eating dinner as fast as I can, by myself. Then between cleaning up and getting my daughter to focus long enough to get her homework done I maybe have 20-30 minutes of downtime with my kids before it’s time for them to go bed. Once they are in bed I have a hour or two to myself (literally, myself) to unwind before it’s time for me to go bed and do everything all over tomorrow. All the while my husband is at work dealing with his own problems throughout the day.
Communication between my husband and I during the day is scarce because we are both busy with our daily routines. A quick 5 minute “catch up” phone call and a kiss goodnight (on nights he gets home before I go to bed) are all we get during the week. We spend much of the weekend trying to catch up on the prior week activities and by Sunday night we are ready to do it all over again.
These labels we give ourselves no way reflect the importance of our jobs as mothers. Sometimes it’s just easy to label what we do, but in reality its a very simplistic description of a very complicated job. No matter what label we give ourselves we are all, at the end of the day, moms. Just trying to get through the day without stains on our clothes or food in our hair.
How do you label yourself?
I find your use of “single mom” very insulting to actually single moms. A single mom doesn’t have help at least 5 days of the week and often 7. A single mom doesn’t have the luxury to be a SAHM. NOPE, we work and then do all the other stuff you do as a “single mom” when we are done with work. We worry infinately about money…will my ex give me child support this week? Will I have enough money to cover my bills? How will I ever save for our future? How will I ever buy a house since my ex ruined me financially? We worry about our children growing up with one parent who may not be mentally stable (because in most cases the woman leaves the man, and when young children are involved it’s most likely the divorce was about addiction or other health issues). I don’t like to call names (I have quiet a few brimming on my tongue), but you should reconsider how lucky you are. You are NOT a single mom, and you don’t play the part.
Roxanne,
I never meant to insult or diminish the incredibly tough job actual single moms have, nor do I ever take for granted how lucky my family is that I’m able to be a SAHM, which I even mention in my blog. It is just my perception of my life and someones perception is their reality. I don’t play any part, I’m just a mom, a mom who likes to provide support, not insults to others because I never know what they are dealing with.