As My Kids Get Older, I Make Motherhood Fit Me


A mom holding a toddler on the couch.As kids get older and we move from the baby phase to toddler, to school-age with my oldest, I reflect on the type of mom I was and the one I am today.

I am a weird mom. A hot mess mom. A sarcastic mom. And let’s be honest, a little bit of a hater.

I know this about myself now, but it wasn’t always this way. It took a while to find my stride in motherhood and make motherhood fit my personality instead of the other way around.

For first-time moms, all you want to do is do it “right.”

You want to have all the right baby gear, like the swaddle that will help you get the baby to sleep. Clearly, you need the perfect breast pump, perfect bottle, and perfect nursing pillow.

Then there’s the Insta-moms influence.

Perfect beachy waves, put-together outfits that sometimes (often) match their littles, and a curated home to go along with it. 

Even though social media is far from reality, as a new mom, I fell headfirst into what I thought a mom should be. I wanted to fit in, to be part of a mommy tribe, and have a perfect newborn shoot, pumpkin patch experience, Santa Express, etcetera.

Let me be clear: there is nothing wrong with any of that.

I leaned in hard and made some great memories that way. Molding my personality into a “mom” was part of the transition, but I lost myself in the process.

Of course, I lost myself! Babies consumed my life—babies who needed me for everything. Then, like magic, something shifted after my youngest’s first birthday.

My babies were toddlers and suddenly needed less of me. For the first time, I had more time to get to know myself again.

I can start new hobbies, listen to new podcasts, work out more, and meet new people. Having more time for me helped me shape my new phase of motherhood, making being a mom fit as a part of me, not all of me.

The mom I was for my babies isn’t the mom I am for my toddlers and probably won’t be the mom I am for my school-age kids or teenagers. I am excited to see more and more of ME in there.

I am excited to see what kind of mom I will become next. 


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