Infertility: Don’t Give Up

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infertilityLiving with infertility isn’t easy. 

There are multiple rounds of different treatments prescribed by different doctors with differing opinions. Clomid, IUIs, IVF, etc. It’s exhausting.

Before I opened up to friends and family about it, I didn’t know it was such a common issue. People from all stages of my life have been affected by infertility for some reason or another. So while I wasn’t happy to hear it, I was so glad to know I wasn’t alone. And the reasoning is crazy. I’ve heard it all.

“Mine is unexplained.”
“I have endometriosis.”
“I have PCOS.”
“It’s because of my husband.”
“Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”

No matter what the reasons are, it’s hard and downright unfair. The struggle is real. The shots and high doses of meds can drive you crazy. You have to do precisely what the doctor says when they say it. You can’t decide what shots or meds to do or not to do. If you sign up for fertility treatments, you sign your life away to go through arduous premeditated procedures to ensure you have the best possible chance of maybe possibly potentially being able to produce a child.

It’s even harder when you factor in social media. For some women, getting pregnant isn’t an issue at all. And that’s expressed a lot on Instagram, Facebook, etc. Maybe they don’t understand how good they have it because I would LOVE to be shocked about finding out I was pregnant. Not knowing every step of the way and the exact date of when I will find out if “it worked or not” would be refreshing.

And unfortunately, it doesn’t end if you’re lucky enough to conceive, either.

After we had twins, people (sometimes strangers) ask very personal and intrusive questions like, ‘So are you done now?” or “Oh, do twins run in your family?” or this very fun one: “Are they natural?”

Infertility complications are not something everyone is comfortable with just chit-chatting about. For me, in the beginning, it was uncomfortable and sometimes even embarrassing. I’ve mostly gotten over it, and since the early stages of coming to terms with it, I’ve been speaking up about it because I want to help people.

I want to let others know that infertility is common and nothing to be ashamed of. Building a community of people dealing with infertility is insanely important, especially in a world where social media takes the place of many people’s real-life connections.

My advice to people dealing with fertility treatments is to smile, nod, and do exactly what the doctors and nurses say because they have everything down to a science. Blood and sonograms will be the highlight of your early mornings. You will be the happiest person to get up and drive to where-ever-you-have-to, give blood and let someone, maybe a doctor you’ve never met before, look into your ovaries to see if you’re ready.

You need to show up early to get your blood drawn so it can be picked up and evaluated for the afternoon phone call to either alter your meds or keep plugging along. Whatever your levels show, is how they proceed with what that night’s medicine intake will be. They also ask you not to work out or do anything strenuous because it can alter your ovaries, which can flip, twist, and cause you extreme pain. So on top of the emotional drain, you’re not allowed to release it physically. Fun!

But stick with it. The first two times for me were retrievals. Shots into the abdomen every night. Blood almost every morning. Pain and exhaustion. The first transfer didn’t work. But we kept at it. More shots and blood. Hundreds of miles under the tread of my tires.

The second time we tried, we had the twins. We did it again last year and had no luck. That wasn’t easy to digest. We are getting older; time is running out. But we decided on one last hurrah without much riding on it.

And guess what? I got lucky again. I’m pregnant.

Hardly anyone knows since we’re always wary of things going wrong knowing just how many things need to go right to conceive a child. But I wanted to write this article to let all those mamas out there know that I am with you. I am here for you. I understand how you feel, and since we began our “journey,” I have spoken to SO many women who are struggling to build their family.

Please don’t stop. Look into whatever options you have, and don’t give up on your dreams. I used acupuncture, diet changes, and have spent hours looking up toxicity in products that I use for myself and in our home. It’s all related. Yes, the conditioner you use on your hair can be toxic. Even toothpaste can be harmful. Have you ever Googled the ingredients in your toothpaste?! It’s scary. Be prepared. But do everything you can because you never know what the magic combination might be.

What works for some doesn’t work for others. Stay positive. A growth mindset is a real radical change you can make for yourself. Grateful journaling has been a huge help too. 

So be kind and gentle to women around you. Offer air hugs and waves whenever you can. You have no idea what anyone has gone through or what they’re currently going through or how many shots they had to endure to grow their family. Kindness helps. Judging doesn’t.

And never give up.

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