The coronavirus pandemic has caused many of us to suffer a loss in some form. It has affected our mental and physical health. It has made us completely change our lives, careers, and daily routines overnight. With every loss comes grief and recovery. Time spent with our families is a beautiful benefit of this loss, however hard it may be at times.
The coronavirus loss hit our family about a week earlier than the rest of our area. These are the 7 stages of my self-quarantine grief.
Shock – “You have been in close proximity to a diagnosed case of coronavirus, the CDC recommends that you self-quarantine for 14 days.”
This was the call I received 5 days after my possible exposure on March 2. My body shook as my mind spiraled.
Denial – This cannot be happening to me. The call on day five meant that I have 9 days to manage and care for my family from inside my house.
Anger – My exposure occurred at our local hospital in which I had a medically prescribed procedure that I wasn’t thrilled to have in the first place. On top of that procedure, I had now been exposed to the coronavirus.
Guilt – If I were to contract coronavirus from my exposure, who else may I have passed it along to? Who did I touch? Each week I do drop off and pick-ups at two different schools, I volunteer, I shop, and I had just hours before the call met with a new employer.
Who do I need to tell? I told the essentials. I was honest with my new employer on where I would be for the next week and why I could not honor the commitments I made. I told our babysitter who I had to cancel on for future dates. I told my children’s teachers and the preschool director.
My children have coughs and low-grade fevers; could I have passed this along to them without having symptoms myself? Three days later and after extensive talks with our pediatrician, the department of public health, and even a Facebook chat with our mayor, I had the facts and could move on with my quarantine. I was assured that contacts of those in potential contact of coronavirus were safe.
Depression – I was sad. Sad that I couldn’t begin a new chapter of my career this week as I had hoped. Sad that I had to explain to my children about a scary virus that has made so many people in our world sick. Sad that I had to hold them back from a majority of their weekly routine, the love they receive from their teachers, the socialization with their friends, and the joy they gain from their extracurricular activities.
Acceptance – On one of the first days of my quarantine, we were walking in the neighborhood, and my daughter (age 5) commented, “It is what it is.” I don’t know where she learned that, but she is right! My quarantine is meant to protect myself and the public from the coronavirus. It is not what I hoped for, asked for, or planned, but it is what it is.
Engaging Life – I’m writing this post six days into quarantine. Each morning we wake up and make a plan for things we want to do at home that day. My children have played with toys they would normally dismiss. They have created intricate, imaginative games. We’ve read more books than we usually would during a week. We have lived outside. My patience has been tested MANY times. I’ve found my son doing ridiculously dangerous things like sitting on the outdoor playhouse roof. We have lived and loved and laughed without life’s usual distractions. We are happy and healthy, and I am grateful for that and the special time my quarantine has allowed us.
Update – My first day out of self-quarantine was everyone else’s first day of school closures and prescribed social distancing. We are keeping a routine of waking up, getting dressed, and brushing teeth. We make a list of activities we want to do each day at the breakfast table. Sometimes we finish the list, sometimes we add new things to the list, some activities don’t get done, and that’s OK. The children and I don’t have to rush, we have no obligations, and we are having FUN. My oldest is heartbroken over being away from her teachers and friends, which has been hard to navigate, but we are finding ways to manage with the help of her preschool.
I have always hoped that one day I would return to teaching early childhood, and now I do at home. I constantly worry about spending quality time with my children, and now I have nothing but time with them.
