10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1! Happy New Year! A new year, a time to start over and a time to make promises to ourselves and others that we may or may not keep. The dreaded New Year’s Resolutions. Every year, I, like many others before me and many after me, would vow to change my life in some way or another. I would look for a new job, actually start working out, and of course, lose weight. What I realized was that resolutions are sometimes impossible to keep. Things happen. And many years, as December 31st rolled around, I grew depressed because I failed at every resolution.
So I changed my thinking and tossed New Years Resolutions to the curb!
Goodbye, ta-ta, see you later!
How many of us out there promised that this year, we would lose those stubborn 10lbs? The 1st of the year would roll around and we would vow that this year would be the year. We etched “losing weight” into our minds as our resolution. We would assemble with the throngs of people lining up to join the gym. A big grin on our faces as we jumped onto the treadmill, lifted weights and “sweated to the oldies.” We would lower our processed sugar intake by turning down cake and cookies. And, we would do this religiously for about a month. Then Valentine’s Day would hit and our significant others would gift us with chocolate. Just one piece, it won’t hurt. But that one piece turns into a whole box. Why torture ourselves?!
After failing yet again, I broke up with resolutions. It was a toxic relationship. It always made me feel like a failure and just increased my symptoms of my depressive disorders.
What now?
My bond with resolutions was over. I felt a freedom like never before. I wasn’t tied down to some goal that wound up unattainable. But I was missing something. I felt somewhat empty. Throughout the year, I brought up my feelings on resolution abandonment to my therapist. I mean I am paying him regardless of what we are talking about, so why not this?! He is very into mindfulness, meditation and exercise. He explained to me that maybe, instead of a resolution, to focus on a word for the year.
Hmmm… I thought about this for a few moments and decided that maybe he was on to something. As December rolled around I decided on my word.
Strength
My word for 2018 was ‘strength’. Before I fell victim to my 6th episode with major depressive disorder (and a slew of other diagnosis’) I was strong. I had what I call the ‘Strength Trifecta’. The trifecta is the achievement of physical, emotional and mental strength. I desired this again. I needed it again. As January started, I began to carry or wear things that had the word ‘strength’ written on them.
If I felt weak, hopeless or depressed I would look at that item. I continued with my monthly therapy sessions and gradually increased my workouts at the gym in both time and intensity!
It was happening, I was achieving the ‘Strength Trifecta’! By the end of 2018, I was strong physically, emotionally and mentally. My focus word had worked.
2019 and onward
I sadly kissed my focus word goodbye. This was a relationship I loved unlike the one I had with New Year’s resolutions. I still look at my ‘strength’ items and smile knowing I accomplished it. There was no “I must lose 10lbs by spring break” deadline. In fact, there were no details I needed to achieve, just one word to focus on, strength, and whatever I thought it meant to me.
So, now as 2019 is here, I have a new focus word. It was not easy to choose but it was mentioned to me by my husband. I was discussing my mental illnesses with him and how he dealt with them. My last question to him was what would he tell another husband in the same situation and the first word to his response was:
“Persevere”
As I read the definition of this word more thoroughly, I realized I was the epitome of it. I always “…persist in anything undertaken and maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement (dictionary.com)”.
I implore you to try ditching New Year’s resolutions and adopting a focus word. Just try it.
