Forever Families :: A Story of Unconditional Love

1

forever familiesWhen you have a baby, the love is immediate, intense, and purely genuine. Through adoption, the strength of this familial bond can be just as powerful.

While I have not experienced the emotional process of adoption myself, I work with prospective adoptive parents through the legal process of creating a forever family. Only after I had children of my own did I truly appreciate the emotional bond between a parent and child. I also witnessed the pain of having those bonds torn apart. Sometimes permanently, and other times relationships were mended later in life.

Most of my work stories come from foster care. A lot of these stories lift my spirit and give me faith in how deeply one person can impact another’s life. As a mother, I am grateful to know foster parents who have risked and sacrificed for this love in the face of the many challenges this role presents.

Of the many stories I have, one stands out in my memory. I remember sitting down next to my client (“Iris”) on a bench outside of a courtroom waiting for her adoption case to be finalized. I remember that she repeatedly folded one hand over the other to calm her nerves. I knew that she had been through the adoption process before, but I asked her to tell me her story.

In fact, this was her sixth adoption and she had three biological children. She was a mother, a grandmother, and about to be a mother once again. Her first born daughter was the most troubled. She was addicted to drugs and in and out of jail many times. Iris had not spoken to her for several years. Her daughter had multiple children removed from her care and Iris had adopted all of them.

She said she became a foster parent because after this experience, she felt a desire to provide a stable home to more children who desperately needed it.

She proceeded to tell me about the time she adopted adolescent twins. Her voice cracked as she spoke and proceeded to tell me how she loved them just as if they were her own children. I could see a deep sadness in her eyes. Like clouds of grey that cast a shadow on her excitement and bright promise of the present day.

At the time, I was quiet, trying to be professional and not overly emotional. But on the inside, I could hear my own voice saying,

Tell me your story. My heart aches for you as a mother. I have not been through your journey, but I can listen intently, and with purpose.

She proceeded to tell me that as the months and years passed the twins began contact again with their birth mother. She was in and out of their lives and had a long history of drug use and abusive behavior. However, Iris felt she could not keep them away and they were young adults, free to do as they wished. Slowly their behavior changed. They missed school. They dropped out. They lost jobs.

One day, they left and never came home. Months passed. Then a year. Iris hoped that their hearts would one day lead them back to her. One day she entered the subway, and she saw them sitting on the platform in a dark corner. She approached them with an open invitation to come home.

She proceeded to tell me how months went by with no communication from her children, and how difficult that time was for her not knowing where they were and her inability to comfort them, although her maternal instinct deeply wanted to connect with them.

One day, however, they did reach out. And slowly they were able to reestablish a relationship. Overtime, she provided stability, support, and a loving home, even though her children have grown into adulthood. They have spent holidays together. Her soon to be adopted daughter had spent quality time with them and developed a strong bond. Iris has nurtured and supported their goals and they had made many positive changes in their lives.

Being a committed parent throughout her life, she told me, was her single greatest achievement, and gave her life purpose. Although she’s had many difficult days, it’s all been worth it. She reminded me that when you have difficult days, just remember how beautiful life can be, and how strong you are, and this will reflect on others around you. She didn’t know it at the time, and neither did I, but her words have stuck with me over the years. And I thank her for it.

Shortly thereafter, her adoption case was called into the courtroom. As we all stood up, she grabbed her daughter by the hand and said, “I love you. Let’s go.”


mariaMaria is a full-time adoption attorney and mother of three children (Cecilia, Ileana, and Xavier). She was born and raised in Indiana and met her husband, Raul, in college in Ohio. They moved to Boston for graduate school and then to New York City. After having their first daughter, Cecilia, they moved to Greenwich where they still reside today. Maria enjoys running, tennis, travel, and spending time with her family.

 

1 COMMENT

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here