When Fellow Moms Save The Day

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moms to the rescueDo you ever have those mornings when you wake up, and you need to escape?

I don’t mean off to any place too far away (although Fiji sounds pretty perfect right about now), but you need a few hours to yourself of quiet and calm.

That was me on the morning of Memorial Day. My husband had been out of town for the weekend, meaning I was on single parent duty for 48-hours. We do a pretty good job of trading time out of the house with one another, so I didn’t feel abandoned or anything. But once he returned home, I needed an out–badly. 

As it was a holiday and many places were closed, my usual ideas were out. Since I suffer from anxiety, the thought of going to a busy place like the mall or crazy coffee shop was indescribably stressful.

Where could I go to be with my own thoughts for a while?

I decided to turn where I often do when I need mom assistance–Facebook. I posted on a local moms group, asking for some ideas. My post read:

Random question – does anyone know of quiet spaces open today? I need a few hours of alone mommy time. I’d usually go to the library, but they aren’t open. Starbucks is too busy. Any spas that have a day pass where I can just lounge? Anything? Thank you! 

It didn’t take long before suggested started to flood in. Fellow moms suggested the beach, peaceful spaces at local churches, and quiet spaces at a nearby university. I was so thankful not only because they would take the time to post their thoughts but that they were actually really great suggestions!

But then I received two separate messages on my phone. Two mom friends had seen my plea and decided to respond to me privately. One was working at home while her family was out and offered for me to join her. The other was heading to a picnic and said that I could have the entire house–to myself. After a few texts, I was on my way to her house to grab the spare key.

I swiftly returned home to shower, collect my laptop, a pile of mail I had meant to go through, and a book. As soon as I scooted out the door and stepped into her home, a moment of calm washed over me. The only noises I heard were the scampering paws of her pups coming to say hello. I plopped myself down on the couch and just sat for a few minutes. No questions about coloring. No demands for chocolate (almond) milk. No requests for Daniel Tiger. It was exactly the peace and quiet I was looking for.

While I needed time to myself, I did only stay for a few hours. The day off from work was an opportunity to spend extra time with my daughter, and I didn’t want to totally miss out on that time. Completing a few work emails and organizing some bills wasn’t exactly the same as lying on the beach in Fiji. However, it was my own retreat, especially because I was by myself.

As I was packing up to head home, I thought of one of my favorite series of all time–Sex and the City. In the second movie, Carrie offers Charlotte her apartment as an oasis whenever she needs it. One of the movie’s final scenes shows Charlotte reading a magazine on Carrie’s couch, finally free from the insanity at her own home.

I didn’t realize that clip of the movie was so vivid in my memory until that moment. Even though it is fictitious, it served as important validation for me.

It was okay for me to need to escape for a bit; it didn’t mean that I was a bad mom. Somehow societal expectations have influenced us to believe that we can only be supermoms by being present with our children at all times, even if we know that isn’t healthy. Sometimes taking a few hours away to recharge can make all the difference. I felt better through the rest of the day, and the week, because of it. 

I don’t know what I would have done if it weren’t for all those awesome moms not only suggesting where I could go but offering their own private spaces to me. I was touched by their generosity and understanding, and I truly hope that I can return the favor one day.

As moms, we’ve all been there–we’ve all had those moments. So if you need some time to yourself, don’t be afraid to take it. And if you need some help from your tribe (whether built in real life or on social media), ask for it. You never know who may be willing to give you their spare key. 

Have you ever needed some time alone? Where have you gone?

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Caitlin
Meet Caitlin! Caitlin grew up in Fairfield, CT and after some time living elsewhere, she is ecstatic to call the town home again. She works full-time in higher education at a local university and has found great joy in supporting college students for almost ten years. Caitlin met her husband, Matthew, in college. They were married in 2009 and welcomed their daughter, Parker, in December of 2014. She spends her free time at yoga, writing, watching sports, and attempting to change the world through advocacy and involvement in social justice movements. Connect with Caitlin on Twitter @CaitPereira.

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