Doomed From the Start

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doomed from the start

In January, one of my fellow FCMB contributors came up with a brilliant post idea, your New Year’s resolution in one word! I really reflected and came up with the perfect word, presence! My resolution was:

Be Present: It is so easy to get distracted… And we are pulled in so many directions! I want to try to be more present in the moment with my children, husband, family, and friends! 

I chose this because sometimes I feel overwhelmed with planning, organizing and managing our busy calendar. I sometimes feel tired of running from activity to activity and hate feeling like I always have a chore looming over my head. I thought “presence” would help me to ‘stop and smell the roses.’ As cliché as it sounds, I was hoping that being more present would keep me grounded and help me to slow down a bit.

However, as I felt that I was failing to fulfill my resolution, I realized it was doomed from the very beginning! As I grow and learn about myself, I have come to the realization that I am not always capable of living in the moment. I am a planner and thrive off of thinking about the future. 

Organizing fun events and activities for my family gets me really excited! Meal planning and writing lists is in my blood. And when it comes to birthdays and holidays, I am preparing months in advance! Multiple friends and family have told me that I should become an event planner because I enjoy giving attention to every detail.

I have just accepted that it is physically impossible for me to focus solely on the present. 

For example, when I am sitting and reading a book with my children, I am enjoying it, but my mind might wander to what book series I should get them for their birthday or thinking about what day our next library trip will be. If I am watching Kids Baking Championship with them, I might be writing a grocery list or ideas for meals that week. In the car (when my husband is driving), I might put gift ideas in my Amazon cart.

I am always thinking ahead. 

I simply cannot just be, that’s not how I am wired! And that is ok! As long as I make the effort to acknowledge the important moments, living with a focus on the future works perfectly for me! So, next year I’ll try to come up with a more doable resolution, one that isn’t so physically impossible for me!

How are you wired? Are you living in the past, the present or do also love planning for the future?

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