What Can We Do About Bullying Online?

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A teen girl taking a selfie.As my oldest daughter inches ever closer to middle school, I worry about her growing up in this crazy world of ours. The thought that gives me the most pause is helping her navigate using a phone and social media. I can say now that I will keep her off technology for as long as possible, but I know many parents find this date approaching sooner than they initially thought.

I know that, realistically, I can’t keep my kids off social media forever. But I can model appropriate and healthy behavior around how I use my time on these public platforms. I’m becoming more aware of how I use social media, why I do it, and what I’ve noticed about how other adults interact on social media.

To be honest, many adults could be better role models. There are many groups designed by adults to offer inspiration and advice, yet some of these spaces become notorious for snarky comments, aggressive opinions, and even fighting with strangers. I keep away from these types of spaces for this very reason. Even if you’re not the target of these comments, it’s discouraging to see adults treating each other in ways I doubt they would face to face.

Remember the adage, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all?” This basic rule of respect gets lost way too quickly when people are online.

I heard from a friend in a group dedicated to helping find baby formula during the shortage. She said the rude comments from other users, including comments about how some of these moms could have avoided the problem if they had just stuck with breastfeeding, caused her to leave the group. How are comments like these helpful to people that are obviously already stressed and looking for help and encouragement?

I wish I could say people I love haven’t been the target of hurtful and untrue online comments. I’ve always found it best not to engage with these people. Yet, I wonder how I will feel if it’s my children who are on the other end. If parents bully online, why won’t their children? How can I help my kids when they are exposed to this behavior?

This post isn’t meant to offend people that are heavy social media users (I do write for a blog, after all!). But, I am encouraging all parents to join me in reflecting on their social media use for positive interactions, communication, and inspiration rather than the negative behavior I sometimes see.

Here are a few promises I’m making to myself when using social media, especially in front of my kids. They are sponges, and I know they always notice what I do.

1. I’ll try not to be mindless with my social media use.

I’m the first to admit that I can be mindless when using my phone. I’ll drift over to Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest and spend way too much time looking at posts. It’s scary to float over to these apps and then see how much time has passed. I’m more conscious of when and how long I use my phone, so my kids don’t see me staring into that little black box. How will I be able to tell my kids to get off their phones if I don’t do it?

2. I’ll try not to use social media as the only way I connect with friends.

I try to give a thumbs up or positive comment on my friend’s posts, but I don’t want that to be the only interaction I have with them. Often, I’d rather send a direct text to a friend than comment publicly on their social media.

3. I will try to be mindful of what I say about others – online and off.

Even if you don’t say something rude online, if you turn around and say it to a friend, that’s no good either. I might not agree with everything people post, but I don’t want to talk privately about other people’s posts.

4. I’ll avoid groups that don’t support positive interaction.

I love writing for Fairfield County Mom because I’ve found it to be an incredibly supportive group of women who are genuinely interested in lifting each other up and finding humor in parenting. Likewise, I make it a point to avoid groups that tear other people down. Even if you aren’t participating but are reading and laughing off what other people say, you are giving those people a voice.

There are many good things about social media, and I hope we can all band together to keep reinforcing the positive ways to use it rather than the negative ones. Our kids are up next.

How do you plan to model positive behavior online?

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