So, I am a very extroverted person. In college, I wanted to meet everyone in my class year, and I attended a large state school. Personality tests place me at 98% extroverted. So unsurprisingly, I have often walked into a room and increased the volume. Thankfully, I chose a career as a professor that primarily rewards me for being able to take the stage during a lecture, making it engaging and educational.
When I am reading professional development articles with tips and tricks for success, I have noticed time and again stories and discussions to help introverts become more social and engaging. I have never seen guidance to help extroverts take up less oxygen in the room. And honestly, I think it is long overdue.
I am an extrovert, and I know I need to stop and remember how to give other people the space and time they need to share their ideas. While I have learned ways to help set the stage for others to improve group engagement and ensure that everyone feels comfortable expressing themselves in discussions and classroom settings, I know I don’t always remember to use them.
And I know that I am not the only extrovert in the rooms I enter, so I will do my best to help not only myself but others to be a little less dominant in the spaces I enter. So for the coming year, I will make a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound) resolution to be a little less extra wherever I go.
1. When running a meeting, I will share the agenda at least 48 hours in advance.
Extroverts often feel very comfortable thinking on their feet. However, not everyone can respond rapidly and share their opinions on a topic unless they have had time to stop and reflect. So, to ensure everyone feels comfortable and is ready to discuss all the items, I will make sure to have an agenda or discussion prompts available in advance.
2. I will make sure not to state my opinion first.
I know that the first person to speak in a discussion often has a significant impact on the tone and the thinking about a topic (this is called anchoring), so I will make sure to let at least two people share their ideas before sharing my own. If I speak up first, some of the more introverted people in the room will likely not share their opinion (unless there is a rule indicating that everyone would be expected to speak). Also, if I am leading the discussion, I will last share my ideas while summarizing all of the perspectives shared.
3. I will set ground rules for class discussions (for myself and the students).
Everyone must know how the discussion will proceed so they are ready and comfortable contributing. I will share my expectations of what a good conversation looks like (i.e., suggest that everyone answer two questions or that they ask at least one question of their own), with a clearly articulated plan for what order people will speak (in alpha order, or around the room). This tip will ensure everyone has a chance to mentally prepare to share their thoughts and ideas.
4. I will also reign in the other extroverts (when possible).
I will ensure that I keep other extroverts in the room from dominating the discussion by setting limits on how long anyone should talk and saying that we need to hear from everyone once before returning to someone who has already contributed. Also, if the discussion is more freeform, I will keep track of who has or hasn’t asked a question and encourage everyone to share.
5. I will pause before jumping in.
When I am not the one running the discussion, I will pause for at least 10 seconds to help give others a chance to speak first whenever someone asks for opinions. And when I notice myself feeling excited and about to interrupt people, I will take an extra deep breath because as much as some people might enjoy my enthusiasm, I know that others could be upset by the interruption.
6. I will schedule enough time for talking with people.
I know that sometimes I feel like I am always running around from meeting to meeting, and I can fall into a strategic strike mode when I have a goal for a discussion or meeting. But whenever I am in a situation where I need to mentor, collaborate or provide feedback to someone, I will double the amount of time I set aside for those interactions. This way, I will allow enough time for the conversation to be a give-and-take. And it won’t just be about whatever agenda item I am bringing to discuss.
7. I will ask more questions and solicit more feedback.
When in doubt, I will stop and ask questions to see where other people are in their heads during a discussion. I know that I can get into the habit of thinking that I have things all figured out, but I will work harder to make sure that I solicit the input of others whenever possible. I will even let people know of my resolution and ask them to let me know how I am doing.
I hope that with these resolutions in hand, I will help promote good discussions in groups I am a part of, both in meetings and the classroom. And if I get good at them professionally, maybe I will see how they work when having a low-key mom bonding night or when trying to hash things out with my family to ensure everyone feels included in discussions next year.
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