A quick Google search told me that adults make approximately 35,000 decisions a day. I’m assuming they range from the easy decisions (what time should I set my alarm to wake me up in the morning?) to the more challenging choices (should I take that new job?) and so many in between. You should double or triple that number for moms. We have to make all of our own decisions and make decisions for our children (and our husbands most of the time). And we do it without a second thought.
Decisions are what help progress our day. But the pandemic has brought a new level of decision making, and it’s exhausting.
I have generalized anxiety disorder, which, in my case, presents as a constant state of worry. It has helped me find success at my job. I can tell you five different problems before they arise, which means I can be one step ahead in solving those problems before they present themselves.
There are days when I rip through decisions at lightning speed. I feel confident in my choices, and remember that I’m in charge of my life. But these days, the decisions are coming up at a rapid pace, and they all come with huge ramifications one way or another. Big decisions of the past are of little consequence compared to now.
Old life important decision: should we spend all that money on a fancy vacation?
New life important decision: should we send our youngest daughter back to daycare so we can concentrate on working from home, and she can be amongst her peers and continue to learn and grow?
Old life important decision: should we buy a home in a specific location to ensure our daughter goes to a good school?
New life important decision: will the school do enough to keep our children safe from the virus, or do we need to continue distance learning?
Every day. New choices. New decisions. New issues. New problems.
I’m a big fan of definitive decisions. Give me the data I need, and I will come to the solutions that work best for my family and me. We are all experts in our own lives. No one in the world knows our significant others and children better than we do. But this is uncharted territory. The data and regulations change by the day. I live in a constant state of concern for what’s to come next. I am burned out. I am out of answers. I do not know what’s best. What I DO know is I will exhaust myself day and night, running scenarios in my head to keep the ones I love safe.
So please, don’t ask me what I want for dinner. Don’t ask me what I want to do this weekend. Know that I am full to the brim with important decisions to be made, and I don’t have room for any more.