News stories come out daily with reports of school districts banning or attempting to ban books. Of all the things we can ban (4 p.m. Friday meetings, school fundraisers, teething), banning books makes little to no sense.
Public and school libraries are places to learn and explore the world around us. Banning books makes that world smaller and less rich, depriving us of stories about people with different views and experiences than our own. Also, do you want to know the best way to get a surly teenager to read a book? Tell them they can’t. In short, banning books is pointless and counterproductive.
That being said, there are some children’s books that I would be happy never to read again. Below are some children’s stories that should be banned forever, effective immediately.
(Note: For those of you who are not well-read, this is satire, don’t come for me).
The Giving Tree (Shel Silverstein)
Possibly the first toxic relationship you were exposed to as a child. The Giving Tree gives and gives of herself to a selfish little boy who grows into an entitled man. She’s left with nothing but a stump and memories of better days (we’ve all been there, amirite ladies?). The most popular and pointless of Silverstein’s books: banned.
The Rainbow Fish (Marcus Pfister)
The Rainbow Fish? More like the communist mani-fish-to. Is there something distinguished and special about you? Well, let’s take that and make sure it’s redistributed to all the other fish in the sea. Remember that your individual goals must be subordinated to the collective will. Do we want to teach our children that it’s more important to be the same and avoid celebrating our differences? Rainbow Fish: BANNED.
The Pout-Pout Fish (Deborah Diesen)
Non-consensual smooching. Banned.
Ultimately, there are many more I can add to this list. Madeline? Overrated. The Pigeon? Encourages deceptive coercion to get what you want. Curious George? I don’t trust a man with no name. We all love reading to our kids, but there are some books we wish would disappear forever or maybe get “banned” from their bedrooms.
