I know this is only my fourth post here at FCMB, but I want you to know something about me. I promise you I will always be brutally honest with you. And sometimes that will be really embarrassing for me. And Sometimes I will hurt your feelings, without really meaning or wanting to. But I owe you my truth. So here goes.
I have not always been a judgement free Mom. While it is my current mission in life not to judge any one for any reason, there have been times early on where I observed things, and just internally declared that they were downright FREAKY. And I guess my reason for sharing this with you is I sometimes wonder, “Did anyone else ever feel this way?” or was I the only terrible person deeming these things to be a little off? After I am done laying them out for you, I will tell you the good news about my major attitude adjustments in hopes that, if you feel like you could use one, too, you can use a little of my mojo to free you from these icky feelings.
1. I used to judge other women for being too into fitness – You know those moms who are almost always in active wear and have beautiful tight buns and calves that look like you could cut vegetables with them? I USED to get a little huffy when I looked at them. Where did they find the time to exercise? Why was this so important to them? HOW DID THEY DO IT? Do you want to know the truth? I wished I looked like them. I wanted to feel like them. I wanted to have THAT kind of relationship to exercise. And yet I didn’t. So getting a little judgy about them was just easier.
Flash forward a few years, and now I am one of those fitness moms. Now, I might not look like I belong in an Athleta catalog, but I have run 2 half marathons, go to yoga at least twice a week, and I love how being active makes me feel. Whether I’m walking on the trail pushing a stroller with some other moms, running alone, or at the Y, I totally get it now. Working out is in some small part keeping me a little saner, a little more grounded, and it reminds me that I MATTER. My health matters. How I feel matters. It’s not about how I look, but how I feel. And now I feel sorry for judging those fitness moms as being obsessed with their bodies. I am sorry Fit Moms! Forgive me!
2. I used to judge other moms for being too wackadoo crazy about their kids – Most moms love their kids. But there are some Moms who REALLY love their kids – like a LOT. It’s all they talk about; all they post about. Their entire world is what the kid eats, what she wears, what classes he takes. And, in my journey from judger to judgement free, I have chosen to just decide that being crazy in love with your kid(s) is just sweet. I love my kids too, don’t get me wrong. I am just not a gusher. But girl, you can gush to me all day long about your miracle. I won’t judge. I will bless your heart and listen with love and admiration.
3. I used to judge other women for caring too much about how they looked; what they wore, their hair, their makeup, their shoes…ALL OF IT – I used to have a mom uniform. It was jeans and a white t shirt, and I rocked it for years. And one day I decided I’d had enough. I got a few stitch fixes, went to a couple of LulaRoe parties, and now I have a wardrobe to be pretty happy with. I am one pair of sassy brown riding boots away from my own version of closet nirvana. So I get it, fashionista moms. Looking good feels good. I feel really bad for ever internally criticizing someone for wanting to look as good on the outside as you feel on the inside. Let your pretty flag FLY HIGH!
4. I used to secretly judge other people for having super huge mansion-style houses where everything was beautiful and there was no possible way they needed all that space and stuff – There is no other way to say this than I was just house jealous. No more. Now, I watch Fixer Upper and I dream of decorating rooms, buying new furniture, and what my house will look like when I no longer have to worry about sticky fingers and dog slobber. I am GLAD for you that you have a big beautiful perfect looking home. Like Joanna Gaines, you are now my spirit animal.
5. I used to judge other women for being too crazy in love with their significant others – This one is a little like the above item about being crazy for your kids. Some people are gushers and some people are not. I have come to embrace that everyone expresses themselves differently. I have also come to admire really happy couples and seek to understand what it is that connects them on that level. I have also grown to see that I too am one of those girls that is crazy in love with her man. I just might celebrate that more quietly, with fewer people. But make no mistake – I am super lucky to have the fella that I do, and I thank my lucky stars every day for him and the life we have built together.
As you have probably gleaned – all of these old judgments were WAY more about my own insecurities and negative self-talk about myself much more than they were about any of the people I used to silently judge. And I can promise you this – It feels SO much better to celebrate a woman’s beauty, love of her children, gorgeous house, and toned abs than it is to tear her down. I let her be my relationship hero and raise a glass to her. And while I’m at it I’ll raise one to myself as well. Here’s to the evolution of a soul and the abandonment of judgement. Cheers!