On one of my daughter’s first flights, we were heading home from a trip to Florida. We ended up sitting on the tarmac for over an hour before the plane even took off. We had bought a few new toys and books while away, and the tarmac delay used up all the tricks in my arsenal.
Eventually, we took off, but I needed to entertain her for two and a half more hours. I was stressed. I was embarrassed. She was antsy. And I will never forget, at the end of the flight, the woman in the seat in front of me turned around to say I was a great mom and incredibly patient. I choked a sob back to say thank you. I really needed to hear that.
In saner times, I know I’m a good mom. I know I’m patient, and I try to be fair. But I also look around and think everyone’s doing it better. And that’s the problem.
In these unprecedented times, many of us are without our “village.” We don’t have our normal babysitters, and we are trying to keep a safe distance from the grandparents who usually help lighten our load. We also have had to cut out our extracurricular activities and play dates, and the never-ending weekend birthday party invites have slowly stopped coming in.
These things used to feel like a chore, but in hindsight, they gave us small pockets of peace. Everyone is retreating to their corners for the long winter, trying to stay safe and distant, which leaves parents in general with a lot more time to fill for their kids. And let’s be honest, moms often carry the load.
We read articles on “self-care” and “put on your own oxygen mask first” and other euphemisms to remind us that we need to take care of ourselves, but right now, a lot of the resources aren’t there to help us. And so, I think we need to ban together, as moms do, and help each other and ourselves.
Let’s keep it real for each other. Let’s stop posting perfect pictures and perfect stories on social media. I know you haven’t washed your hair this week, and you know I haven’t done the dishes in days. I can’t remember when I last bathed my kids, and you aren’t sure the last time your kids ate a vegetable.
So let’s be honest with each other, embrace we are doing the best we can with where we are right now. And also, if you see a mom struggling in public (remember the airplane story we started with here?), tell her she’s doing a great job. Trust me; she needs to hear it.
