As a kid, I was the only one of my friends who had to travel to see family at Christmas. Most of my friends lived within a street or two of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and in some instances, great-grandparents. Neither of my parents was from the small town I grew up in, so we had our holiday in various locations with an even bigger variety of family. Don’t get me wrong, most were spent at our home, but WHO was there was never really a standard engagement. I always saw it as exciting that we were different, but now, I wonder if I was missing something as a parent.
There is something to be said for the familial holiday tradition. I’m sure there are comforting, warm, and fuzzy feelings associated with knowing that every year Grandma’s going to make your favorite dessert or that aunt you never see will make you sing carols until you want to hide. I have no idea; it’s speculation on my part.
A, our daughter, is still too young to understand the concept of Christmas. Next year, though, will be the first wonderous year where she ‘gets’ Santa, and we’ve set her up to have just the kind of holiday that I had. Neither my husband, W, nor I are from the town where we live, and we have no close-by family. W’s family ranges from 1-1/2 to 7 hours away with two sets of divorced parents, and mine is 9-10 hours away. Add in an aunt, uncle, and cousins, and that’s another 10 hours in the opposite direction. We’d have to travel to 13 states other than Connecticut to see all of our extended family, assuming they wouldn’t be traveling all over the globe to be with their families.
I doubt our family is alone in its expansion issue. Families are increasingly spreading across the country and the world for all kinds of opportunities. A Christmas that took place just 20 years ago is probably close to being archaic compared with the current times. With the skyrocketing costs of travel and advances in technology (Skype and FaceTime, anyone?) and the many branches of the modern family tree, it’s almost impossible and/or cost-effective to be with everyone at one time. I won’t even go into the additional places we would have to add to the list if I added our step-families.
This year we’ll probably spend the holiday with my brother-in-law’s parents. It’s easier for him and my sister-in-law to go there with their three-year-old and three-month-old than to drive twice the distance from their location to my mother-in-law’s. I’m grateful his parents are kind enough to ask us to participate in their day. Will A know she’s not home or at her grandmother’s? No. She won’t remember. Will she care? Probably not. They have a lot of room to run around in, and she gets a chance to play with her cousin. But, yes, our Christmas dinner will be at the table of our modern family.
I need to start thinking about next year, though. Do we stay, or do we go? If we travel, where to? Maybe I’ll ask everyone to come to us. Who knew Christmas could be this complicated?
