Hot Topics Over Chilled Beverages are conversations between contributor Jenna and me. In this day and age, the polarity of ideas tends to divide us, Jenna and I may seem like an unlikely pair. On the surface, there doesn’t seem like much we would agree on. Somehow, though, we can embrace our differences, find commonalities, and embrace the uniqueness that we each bring. It turns out maybe we agree on a whole lot more than we think we do!
Today’s topic: How we chose to feed our babies.
Jenna: I want your feedback on my breastfeeding post.
Charity: I read your post right away, and I loved the way you approached the topic. The part of your post that I latched onto the most, no pun intended, was that breastmilk was just food. I see it as food, of course, but also as so many other things. I think that is the crux of the issue between the “sides.” Although, I don’t understand how there are “sides” to how you choose to feed your kid.
Jenna: Agreed, that’s ridiculous.
Charity: I’m more of the opinion of, you need to do what’s best for you and your baby, and I think that’s the ultimate goal.
Jenna: Yes.
Charity: I have been accused of saying, “breast is best.” My support of breastfeeding moms has been, I think, misconstrued as being pushy. I know my choice to stick it out was my choice and what was best for me. One of my goals as a parent was to give my children my milk. Do I think that’s everyone’s goal? No. And do I think they should? No. But that was important to me. I consider myself a breastfeeding advocate in that if someone wants to breastfeed, I want to help them get the resources necessary to be successful with their breastfeeding goals.
Charity: Someone posted on social media – I can’t remember where exactly – that their pediatrician said they should start weaning when she didn’t want to. Why is someone else telling us what we should and shouldn’t do regarding our children if it is working for us?
Jenna: If there’s no health issue physically or mentally with mom or baby, and you want to continue, why not?
Charity: Right. The only part I disagreed with in your post is that breastmilk is just food. If you do see it as only food, your view makes sense. Why would you put yourself through all that stuff to give them food which you could be doing differently? So anyway, I liked your post a lot. I didn’t agree with some of it, but it spoke to a lot of people.
Jenna: That’s why I said initially that there are people I know who are really into breastfeeding or had a great experience, and they didn’t experience that difficulty. I see people going to extremes, and I wish I could tell them to stop. There are many other options to feeding your child; it’s not so black and white. You could supplement, you could exclusively pump (we both have experience with that), you could exclusively formula feed. Having one of each, a formula-fed child and a breastfed child shows me how little it matters. Now that I’m out of the baby stage, my whole parenting philosophy is not to take things so seriously. Extremes are wrong. It’s ok to do you.
Charity: There are just so many misunderstandings about whatever you decide. I don’t think anyone truly understands why I continued breastfeeding my oldest even when it was hard. It was simple: I wanted to breastfeed him. I had the resources, I had the support, I knew the science behind it, and I knew what I was giving myself as far as evidence,
Jenna: You know evidence-based science is my love language.
Charity: The risk of breast and ovarian cancer goes down the longer you’re lactating—the breastmilk changes based on the child’s needs. You’ll produce antibodies for fighting disease when you have a latched child vs. when you’re pumping vs. a child that you’re not feeding breastmilk at all. But even without all that, it was important to me. I feel like sometimes we’re just discounting what’s important for someone.
Jenna: Right. I’m just against breastfeeding at all costs. If it’s important to them, they should do it. You should support a woman with healthy choices, but not at all costs. And I think that’s the bottom line. If it’s risking your physical health, mental health, and baby’s health and growth, it’s time to change what you’re doing.
Charity: I do think there should be some more education and resources available so that moms don’t think that just because they can’t get a latch in the first week that they’ve failed.
Jenna: Women also need support from their pediatrician. And it depends on your pediatrician because I’ve heard horror stories. My pediatrician was very supportive of what I wanted to do with both kids.
Charity: That’s good. I don’t like feeling pushed either way. I want to make my own choice.
Jenna: I agree. Unless there’s a physical or mental health issue that you need to be pushed.
Charity: I hear what you’re saying, but I have a different perspective. I had horrible postpartum depression after my son was born. I was so stubborn with wanting to breastfeed. I think I pushed so hard because it was just so important to me. My mom helped me at that moment when I was in the thick of it and asked me to choose between breastfeeding and formula because I was just going through the motions of physical survival. I wasn’t enjoying motherhood at all.
Jenna: But it doesn’t have to be black or white.
Charity: I was so far down that I needed that “black or white” choice. Once I got help (with talk therapy and medication), I decided to breastfeed and never looked back. For the girls, it was different because I was so much healthier, both physically and mentally.
Jenna: It’s funny that you felt better with twins!
Charity: Since I was in such a better place emotionally, I was ok with nursing and pumping and supplementing that last bottle of the night with formula. By eight weeks, I had enough supply for both, and it pretty much stayed that way until 15 months. They sometimes got a formula bottle a day when they were a little older, but I was ok with that.
Jenna: I went into my second pregnancy saying, “If breastfeeding is easy for him, yeah, absolutely we’ll do it. If it’s a struggle, I’ll just formula feed him. No big deal.” Then he ended up having a milk allergy, and I was like, there’s no way I’m giving up milk in my diet. I’m already stressed out as is. Formula, here you go. Happy baby.
Charity: And happy mama. That’s so important. You do what feels best for you and what is best for your baby.
Jenna: That’s where we ultimately agree. You shouldn’t be pushed either way. You should make the choice that’s best for you. I’ve had to remind myself not to give unsolicited parenting advice. What I say now is: “This is what works for my kids.” Because I never want to assume what works for my family works for anyone else’s.
Bottom line: What works for one family might not work for another family. Breastfeeding, pumping, formula feeding, or a combination of any are all great ways to feed your child. Let’s find ways to support other moms rather than tearing them down.
And if you want to breastfeed and need more support, check out this post for some great resources!
