37 Reasons I am the WORST Mom EVER

When I first sat down to write this post, I intended to make you laugh a little bit. But the truth is, a lot of us struggle with the idea of being bad moms. If you’re like me, you might have moments every single day in which you feel like you are royally screwing it up. And, if your kids are of speaking age, one or more of them may have actually TOLD you that you were terrible (WHAT?).

So, take this post with a grain of salt, and laugh. Identify if you can, feel sorry for me (and yourself) if you want, judge if you must, but please try to enjoy it. Because some days are hard, some are harder, and some days we just have to let it all happen.

Here is a list for my dear darling offspring of some of the things I did to, for, with, and around them today that oppressed them and caused them to call me THE WORST MOM EVER.

1. I made them get dressed.
2. I made them eat food.
3. I cleaned up after them, enabling them and causing their future to be that of a terrible entitled human adult.
4. I refused to clean up after them and made them clean their rooms.
5. I threw out artwork and then lied about where it was.
6. I served the wrong drink in the wrong color cup.
7. I looked at them.
8. I made them go to the bathroom.
9. I got mad when someone had an accident.
10. I made them brush their hair.
11. I let them go three days without brushing their hair.
12. I brushed out the snarls after three days while they screamed.
13. I made them wash their hands.
14. I don’t always make them wash their hands.
15. I asked them to do their homework.
16. I wouldn’t/couldn’t help with the homework.
17. I told them not to do the homework.
18. I told them about the consequences of not doing homework.
19. I reminded them that this is their life, not mine.
20. I blamed Common Sense Media for not letting them watch an inappropriate show.
21. I hardly ever let them play games on my phone because IT’S MINE.
22. I praised one’s artwork just a little too enthusiastically.
23. I didn’t force them to sign up for dance/soccer/theater/astronaut camp, and now they are destined to a life of mediocrity and will have nothing to put on a college transcript.
24. Yes, I know how old they are.
25. I walked out of the house without them after begging them for 29 minutes to get dressed for school.
26. I yelled at them.
27. I got so mad I pulled hair.
28. I apologized and cried and begged for forgiveness.
29. I explained that even grownups can’t always control themselves, and being a human is hard.
30. I laughed when I heard a story about something that happened at school.
31. I talked about them to a friend because I wanted to tell her about how delightful they are.
32. I bragged about a nearly perfect report card, thus putting unknown and undue pressure on future academic performances.
33. I let them watch TV for hours on end.
34. I refused to let them watch TV.
35. I threatened to burn their favorite toys.
36. I bought new toys FOR NO REASON.
37. I loved them so much I thought I would stop breathing, or that they would stop breathing, or that the earth would stop turning.

I could go on like this forever, but I’m tired and now kind of sad. I hope you enjoyed my embarrassing and horrifying list of confessional parental failings and, some might say, semi-successes.

Are you the worst mom ever too? Let us know in the comments!